Behind My Eyes.

parts of me are parts of you.

it's been a year and a half without you,

and i'm still finding parts of you in me.

from the way i act, 

to the way i talk,

to the way i dress,

even my silence reminds me of you sometimes.

when i get in my head and i start isolating somehow without fail my responses always end up as dry and pointless as yours were to me.

i can't let people in when i get like this because this isn't me,

this is the version of me that you molded me to be.

i close myself off because that's what you taught me,

i couldn't even talk to you about my problems so i just closed off and isolated instead.

i had to learn to open up to people and realize that i wasn't bothering them by asking for help.

i hate how there's still a part of you with me even now.

i thought i did so well cleansing you out of my being,

i wanted to be rid of you.

i needed every bit of you gone.

i would say that i can't believe the impact you had on me but that would be a lie.

you molded me into who you wanted me to be and i listened because whenever i did something you didn't like you would scare me into listening by threatening to leave me and that's something that you knew i didn't want.

it took me so long to realize that it wasn't right and even longer for me to realize that i had to do what was best for me and remove myself from your hold.

i had to learn how to be myself again.

i had to figure out who i was before you and who i wanted to be after you,

the worst part of it was that nobody could relate to what i was going through and nobody could help me through it because nobody knew what i was going through.

i was so completely isolated and it was my own doing.

i can't blame anyone but myself because i brushed everyone else off for you.

i wanted to be there whenever you needed me and you needed me so much in our final months together so it just became easier for me to spend all my time and energy on you.

i didn't have any energy left for me.

how was i supposed to fix myself when i gave you every piece of me?

i gave you everything i had and then i had to start from the ground up to become who i am today.

i don't think anyone even noticed a change from who i was after you to who i am now.

it's taken a lot of self-reflecting and long nights but i've finally found who i am and i kinda like her.

it's odd to think about who i used to be.

the me i am today wouldn't have ever let you treat me like that.

i'm getting better at standing up for myself,

no thanks to you.

i stood down so many times because i was afraid of how you would react and now i know that the only person i should worry about is myself.

nothing will ever amount to the amount of love that i have for myself.

i've almost rid myself of you completely and i can't wait for the day that i look in the mirror and i don't see your ghost standing behind me.