Behind My Eyes.

be okay.

i made the decision to remove myself from your life.

after all that's what you wanted right?

you wanted me gone.

you ignore me for so long although you act like nothing's wrong but your words or lack thereof says something completely different.

why won't you just be honest with me?

i refuse to be used by you anymore for your needs when you give me nothing in return.

i refuse to be just another girl in your life as you push me to the side for someone better than me.

you can't make me feel like less than i'm worth ever again.

it took me so long to come to this conclusion.

i waited two months after the messages stopped coming in,

i tried so hard to give you the benefit of the doubt time and time again and i made up so many excuses in my head for you.

i shouldn't have to justify your actions to me.

i shouldn't have to convince myself that we're friends.

i shouldn't have to feel like this.

yet i do time and time again because you're all i have.

without you, i don't know who i am.

i'm nervous about how you'll react to this.

i left your number unblocked just in case you need to say something or if you ever need me.

i don't think you ever will and that kills me.

i need you.

so much.

and no matter how you act now,

i know that at some point you felt the same exact way.

what happened?

what happened to us?

i think about that all the time.

i don't think i'll ever be able to wrap my head around it.

if you're just going through something and pushing away the people you're closest to and you need me after all this is done...

i don't think i'd ever be able to forgive myself for leaving you.

god, i hope you're okay,

i hope that's not the case.

the thought of you not being okay makes me sick to my stomach.

i only want the best for you and i'm sorry that i couldn't be that for you.

please be okay,

for both of us.