OUTCAST | SIRIUS BLACK

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

I WAS AIMING FOR REGULUS
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Sirius Black felt like a complete git.

He hated fighting with his friends. Absolutely hated it. Because his friends were his family, the only family he had that made him feel like he was worth something. Growing up with an unloving father and a cruel mother, he had not known what true love and affection felt like until he came to Hogwarts.

And despite his miserable childhood, some of the worst weeks of his life had been when Remus and the others were angry at him. After his little prank that accidentally led to Snape finding out about Remus's condition, he had felt worse than after enduring one of his mother's tantrums. The physical pain was nothing compared to knowing that he had let someone he cared so deeply for down.

That was exactly how he felt now as well. After Seraphina had walked away from them after the Quidditch game, he had felt like the biggest arsehole on the planet. Even though she had tried to hide it, he had seen the tears forming in her beautiful blue eyes, making them glister like the ocean.

I was an idiot to think that we could all stay friends...

Those words had kept him up all night.

Sirius had been furious after they lost the game against the Slytherins. He hated losing and nothing was worse than losing against those slimy gits. Avery, Rosier and Mulciber were all wannabe Death Eaters and their arrogance did not need another boost; nothing good would come from making them believe even more in their superiority.

That rage had blinded him. Thinking back, he realised that they had been harsh on Sera. It had always been a bit tense after games since they played for opposite sides, but this time something had snapped in all of them. The Slytherins had played dirty, but perhaps some of the things they accused them of had been a bit exaggerated.

And most important of all, they had not been directed towards Seraphina. It had all just gotten out of hand. He had never intended to hurt her in any way. He could never. Not when hurting her was worse than the Cruciatus Curse.

Which is why he planned on apologising the next day after the game. They would sort things out and then they could all move on with their lives. But then he did not see Seraphina for breakfast the next day. He had dismissed it as her having eaten an early breakfast, she did that sometimes. But then he had not seen her all day long and she did not attend lunch in the Great Hall.

Then he spent the entire dinner looking for her, but she was nowhere in sight. Usually he'd find her seated with everyone in her own year, or her Quidditch team. But now there was a clear absence of red by the Slytherin table. Because one thing was for sure, that Seraphina was impossible to miss in a crowd.

Her red hair stood out like a rose amongst a field of weed. It was the most beautiful and unusual shade of red, unlike that of anyone else. Lily's hair was red too, but an auburn shade much darker than that of Seraphina. But Sera's hair was not light either and not ginger like the other Weasleys he had met. No, it was its own special shade.

Like blood or the most beautiful red rose.

Sirius did not know if she was avoiding them but he knew that Seraphina would never miss school. Therefore, he was certain she would show up for class the next day. Therefore, he had arrived early to Professor McGonagall's class after Seraphina once again had missed breakfast. And he was not alone.

James had also been miserable since their loss against the Slytherins. At first it was because of losing - he was probably an even sorer loser than Sirius - but then it was because he hated fighting with Sera. Everyone knew that James loved her like a little sister and he did feel guilty about the fight.

Remus had been angry too at first, but his anger was directed at all of them. Once they got back to the Gryffindor Common Room, they had all gotten a good scolding from the normally calm Remus who called them idiots for losing their temper at their friend.

Peter was mostly low-spirited because of everyone else's foul mood. Since Saturday, none of the Marauders had been especially excited for their usual activities. The rest of the students probably wrote it off as them still being angry about the loss.

The Gryffindor Sixth Year girls were also guilty about what had happened. Lily felt terrible for making her friend sad. Marlene who initially had felt betrayed about being targeted during the game now realised that they might have been a bit harsh. Dorcas's guilt was similar to Lily's while Alice just wanted everyone to get along and hated that they had caused one of their closest friends to become sad.

"Why isn't she here yet?" Sirius asked, looking over at the door every other second. "What if something has happened? Didn't she get hurt during the game?"

James became a bit pale, "She did get hit by your Bludger-"

"I was aiming for Regulus," Sirius defended himself. Like the guilt of hurting her feelings wasn't enough, he also felt terrible about injuring her during the game.

Sirius had long ago realised that Regulus did not care for him anymore. The little brother he once had loved more than anything else was not a representation of everything Sirius wasn't. The perfect son who their parents could be proud of. While Sirius did not want to be the ideal of a perfect son his parents had, he'd be lying if he claimed that his mother and father's clear disgust towards him still stung.

All that jealousy had built up was what possessed him to direct that Bludger towards Regulus and he had definitely not expected for Seraphina to throw herself in front of Regulus, taking the blow herself. She hadn't even hesitated.

But Sirius did not get much more time to think about that when Seraphina finally entered the classroom. He wondered if it was possible that she had grown more beautiful in the day since he last saw her.

For a moment their eyes met and he felt that familiar entrancement he always got from looking at her. Like everything else in the world faded away. But then she quickly looked away as she moved further into the classroom.

Sirius and the others had almost taken it for granted that Seraphina would walk in and take her seat between Remus and James. But instead, she shocked them by sitting down next to Avery who also seemed a bit surprised judging by how he raised an eyebrow and smirked. Sirius could not hear what was being said, but Seraphina actually seemed amused by whatever her housemate was saying.

He had really fucked up.