OUTCAST | SIRIUS BLACK

CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE

YOU'D CUT OFF YOUR HAIR?
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Seraphina didn't even register where she was going until she found herself standing in the Astronomy Tower. Her hand still tightly gripped onto Sirius's larger one tightly, to the point where his fingers were becoming numb. But Sirius didn't mind because he could see the way her eyes seemed far away and guessed that she probably didn't even register what she was doing.

Once Seraphina stopped walking, she turned to look at Sirius again. His nose didn't appear to be broken but it was still bleeding a bit. "You're bleeding," Seraphina muttered, not able to meet his gaze. She felt embarrassed.

"So are you," Sirius retorted, reaching up to gently wipe away the blood running down from her split lip. The anger on his face remained visible, "I should kill him."

"Murder isn't the solution-"

"Sometimes, it is," Sirius said darkly. "He hurt you – more than once even-"

"I'm fine, Sirius," Seraphina told him, despite the throbbing pain in the back of her head from being thrown against the wall. "I think he will wake up with worse pain tomorrow than me." Just then did she realise she was still holding his hand. She pulled away and asked, "Why were you walking around the corridors after curfew – never mind, I don't want to hear about your nightly adventures."

"I was heading to the kitchens when I saw Rosier lurking around on the Map," Sirius rolled his eyes at her not so subtle accusation. "I didn't even know you were there until I got there since you charmed it to not show your whereabouts."

"Fair enough," Seraphina said.

"Has this happened before?" Sirius then asked.

"What?"

"Rosier, has he done something like this before?" Sirius wondered, crossing his arms. He wasn't wearing his robes nor his tie, only the white button up shirt and black pants.

"As you might recall, he did hit me with a bat a while back," Seraphina snorted. "And he wasn't particularly happy about me kicking him off the team."

"Other than that," Sirius clarified, studying her closely because he knew her body language and expressions would give him the truth long before she said anything. "I spoke with Regulus and while he refused to say what happened, he did reveal something did happen-"

"Regulus doesn't know what he's talking about," Seraphina said dismissively. She tried to shoulder past Sirius, not in the mood to speak with him anymore.

Sirius stopped her by gently grabbing her elbow, "Avoiding the subject and running away is the Seraphina-equivalence of saying 'yes, something happened'."

"Even if it did, it's none of your business," Seraphina said, growing annoyed by his persistence. "Regulus had no right speaking with you and more importantly you have no right demanding I tell you anything. We are not friends, Sirius."

"You may not want to be my friend anymore, but that doesn't mean I care about you any less," Sirius shot back. "If it makes you happy, I will stay out of your life but that does not mean I will completely abandon you and if someone hurts you, Sephy, I won't let it go."

"This isn't about what makes me happy," Seraphina told him. "Merlin, you are insufferable. Is that what you guys took from me wanting space? That I didn't want to be friends anymore because I was happier on my own? The reason we are not friends anymore is that our entire friendship was built upon the illusion of me being some wannabe Gryffindor that you guys created."

"I've never cared about you being a Slytherin-"

"Yes you have!" Seraphina exclaimed angrily. "All those comments about how I should have been a Gryffindor and how all Slytherins are evil and cheaters. They hurt me!"

"I never meant for it to hurt you-"

"But it did," Seraphina said. "I already have to endure snide remarks and dirty looks from my dormmates. Several members of my house consider me a blood-traitor. So having the only friends I had constantly reminding me of how I wasn't really one of them actually made me feel like shit. You of all people should understand what it feels like to be a disappointment to everyone around you."

"Thank you," Sirius said dryly.

"You know what I mean."

"Yes, which is why I can tell you that you aren't a disappointment to anyone, Sephy," Sirius exclaimed. "I can be an idiot, I am very aware of that so I apologise from the bottom of my heart for everything I've ever said or done to hurt you. I was a git. But I know for a fact that I've never wanted you to change anything about yourself. The only reason that I want you to be a Gryffindor is because then you'd be closer to us – to me."

"You accused me of cheating, nearly trying to kill your Seeker and hurting Marlene," Seraphina reminded him. "That didn't exactly feel like you were accepting me for who I am. Actually, I seem to remember a few comments about how you shouldn't expect us snakes to play fairly."

"I was angry about losing. It may not be an excuse but it's the truth. And I've regretted everything I said that day for months now," Sirius took a step closer to her. "My parents always tried to convince me how being a Slytherin was the only option for me because that's where we as purebloods belonged. The moment the Sorting Hat yelled out 'Gryffindor' I was equal parts excited and terrified. Terrified because I knew nothing would ever be the same again. After that, everything associated with Slytherin was tainted by my parents' hatred. Everything except you, Sephy. That's why I always tried to separate you from the rest of them. I didn't want you to hate me too."

"Have you such little faith in me?" Seraphina asked, not knowing how she was supposed to process what he was saying.

"No, I can't help how my brain works. I'm an idiot, remember?" Sirius said, running both his hands through his hair in a nervous manner. "You can hate me for the rest of your life. It would kill me, but if that's how it is I can accept it. But I need you to know that I could never hate you. Not even close."

"Good to know," Seraphina said. Her voice lowered down to a whisper as she added, "And I could never hate you, Black."

If she'd learned anything these past months it was that no matter how angry or saddened she was by Sirius's and the other's behaviour, it did not mean that she suddenly hated or even disliked them. That's not how it worked. Sirius could be the most infuriating man in the world but somehow that was one of the things she loved about him.

"Is there anything I could do to earn your forgiveness?" Sirius asked with an uncharacteristic vulnerability in his voice.

"Black-"

"I will do anything," Sirius told her. "Anything. I will never pull another prank, wear a Slytherin tie for the rest of the school year or cut my hair if that's what it takes."

"You'd cut off your hair?" Seraphina said, the corner of her lip twitching as she struggled to cover a smile.

"If that's what it takes," Sirius declared. "I'm serious."

"Of course you are," Seraphina couldn't hide a smile. "Your hair is safe though, because I'd never ask you to cut it off. And I'd never – never ask you to change who you are. The only thing I ever wanted from you and the others is acceptance. So when you are ready to put aside your bias against every single Slytherin in the castle, I'd be ready to give you another chance."