It's All About You ⌘ Joe Sugg ✓

Chapter 76

I watch the two of them, my feet cemented to the floor and my tongue paralysed in my mouth. I let my arms hang loosely by my sides, unable to comprehend the scene unfolding before me. Nathan shakily brings his arms up to cup Eila's face, which is damp from countless tears that roll down from her eyes. The two of them appear to be lost in each other, their eyes firmly shut against the dreary white lighting. It's obvious that neither of them can sense my quiet presence, and I'm surprised they can't hear my heart throbbing in my chest painfully. As the two of them continue to kiss without interruption, I feel my fingers curve into a fist involuntarily. I open my mouth, however my words fall short. My vision is clouding around the edges from a combination of rage and the tears lingering behind my eyelids.

Soon I can't take it any more, and I cough in order to capture their attention. Eila is the first to pull away, while Nathan's hands fall from her cheeks and into his lap. He looks slightly bewildered until he focuses his gaze on me, and realisation dawns. Eila has spun around to face me, her mouth open in complete surprise. She can immediately tell how close I am to losing it, so she stands up hastily from the bed. With each step she takes towards me, I take one life altering step away. I can feel myself physically shaking as my world continues to crumble away from me. Everything I previously assumed to be true now seems like a lie.

"Joe..." She croaks, while reaching her hand out to touch my chest. I step away from her touch, my lips clenched together. I blink rapidly, trying to subdue my emotions. Eila is crying again, even though I assumed she had no more tears left to cry. I must say I am surprised that she is crying for me, since she clearly doesn't feel that strongly for me anymore. The thought sends me reeling for air, so much that I feel as if I am drowning even though the ground beneath me is solid.

"Joe please..." Her bottom lip is quivering as she talks through her tears, a raw desperation in her eyes which I have not yet seen before. Even though I love her more than life, I don't feel a trace of mercy for her. I am blinded by my own selfish emotions as I turn away from her to walk out of the room and into the bustling hallway, the lump in my throat making me ache all over. I feel a few stray tears of disbelief escape my eyes as I walk away from Nathan's room where Eila still stands. I expected her to run after me, or shout out my name. However, I hear only the sounds of wheels squeaking over shiny floors and hushed conversations between doctor and patient as I make my exit.

A million thoughts are running through my mind as I manouvre through the halls of the hospital, past sick people and doctors alike. They all cast curious glances my way as I go, and I reach up to roughly wipe away the tears collecting in my eyes. I won't cry, not for this.

Beneath the initial shock I feel angry. I can feel it in the way my lungs expand rapidly, the air ripping through me as I break into a jog, even though I am still in the halls of the hospital. People cast me even more looks as I jog towards the lifts, which of course are full of people. I feel like I am about to explode as I wait for the lift to reach ground floor, standing with a group of complacent hospital goers who all seem so calm. I feel like screaming at them all, telling them what just happened - but then I realise that it's my problem, and my problem only.

Then why does it feel like the whole world has been altered? Why does it feel like nothing is right anymore? My chest is growing increasingly tighter by the time I reach the ground floor. The walls of this place are beginning to close in on me, and I keep up my steady jog through the building until I reach the large exit.

Even when I am outside of the building and exposed to the crisp air of a summers day, my lungs are still struggling to function. I run my hand through my hair out of habit as I traverse across the carpark, my eyes focused on the hot pavement.

Eila was kissing Nathan. His lips were locked on hers, while his hands held her face close to his. Thinking about it now makes the lump in my throat expand even further, until I literally have to take deeper breaths in order to stop myself from collapsing. This can't possibly be happening.