It's All About You ⌘ Joe Sugg ✓

Chapter 54

Caspar's POV

Every day is an empty blur. It seems like nothing has a meaning anymore, and no matter how hard I try I can't escape this empty feeling inside of me. Everything I see, touch, smell, hear - it all reminds me of her in some way or another. The way the evening sun hits the wooden grains of our floor reminds me of her golden strands; the sharp red colour of cherries reminds me of her full lips; and most of all every time I hear a nirvana song my stomach plummets and my mind is overwhelmed by her. There is no escaping her.

As each day drags by I sink deeper and deeper, knowing that those breif moments of hope I have about her coming back will amount to nothing. She's not coming back, despite how goddamn much I want her too. Every time I look at that door I just wish she'd come flying back in, I wouldn't care if she was screaming at me. I would just be ecstatic to be in her presence again.

I've never experienced anything like this. To feel so dependent on someone that you feel lost without them. I guess the saying is true: you don't know what you've got until it's gone. I never realised just how happy I was being with Laura until she disappeared from my life like a wisp of smoke through my fingers. I thought I was heartbroken over Zoe... Hell I thought I was in love with her. Now I know what those feelings truly feel like. I didn't love Zoe like I loved Laura - I think I was more in love with the idea of her, more like an infatuation than actual love.

Even though everything feels pointless, I still attempt to live my life normally. I wake up everyday, feed myself because I have too and spend every waking moment listening to Laura's playlist full blast and working on my channel. I still put videos out, but there is no enjoyment for me anymore. It's like everything I do feels forced - even smiling and laughing with Joe is rare now.

The more the time drags by, the more my mind comes to accept that I was right. Laura doesn't love me and I need to move on. If I don't I will only become more down until I can't possibly sink any lower.

Eila's POV

"Joe it's been two weeks and he is still miserable. I think we need to take him out tonight... Make him laugh again." I say as I rummage around my kitchen for tea bags. Joe is currently sitting on a kitchen stool, tapping a rhythm with his fingers on my counter.

"Eila I've tried to get him enthusiastic about going out, or doing anything really - he just dismisses me every time. I've never seen him like this and it's scaring me... I want my friend back." He says, his eyes looking so downcast that it hurts.

I turn on the kettle and make up a cup of tea for us both. Lord knows we need the warmth and comfort right now. Caspar's mood is certainly draining - as much as it hurts me to see him like this it's exhausting to deal with a person that's only response is 'Okay.' I can tell it's taking a toll on Joe as well - he has bags under his eyes and his hair is looking flat and limp, all a result of worrying about his friend.

I stir the tea cups a few times and hand one to Joe which he takes gratefully. I lean down on the counter so our faces are closer.

"I still can't believe Laura left him like that... How fucking cold could you be." Joe says while he stares at the steaming liquid in his mug. I suck in a sharp intake of breath.

"I think... I think she had no choice Joe." I say.

"Fucking bullshit. She barely even said goodbye to him Eila. She didn't even tell him she loved him. It was cold and you know it." I can tell his anger is building, and it seems like this outburst has been a long time coming too. I have no doubt that he hates Laura after what she did to his best friend.

I don't say anything else in fear of fueling him on even more. I have reason to be less harsh on Laura - I witnessed first hand the few moments of weakness she had in the days leading up to her leaving. Something about the way every smile, laugh and breathe she had during that time seemed forced to me - as if she was willing herself to hold in a whirlwind of emotions. I wouldn't tell Joe or Caspar, but I secretly suspected that this whole thing took a toll on her too. I suspected inside that she found it just as hard to be without him as he did. I can still see her look of raw, unleashed pain that she had in the taxi cab.