It's All About You ⌘ Joe Sugg ✓

Chapter 78

Eila's POV

Living without your other half is difficult.

I feel it most in the mornings, when I open my heavy eyelids to the stark morning light and the empty sheets beside me. Sheets that should be ruffled up by the presence of Joe. But he's never there, even though most of the time I dream about him just being there, sleeping softly beside me.

It's been one whole week of mornings like this. Seven days of missing him and being unable to do anything about it. One hundred and eight agonising hours spent without him, and with each one that drags by my spirit dies out just a little bit more. I've lost count of all the missed calls, silent voice messages and tears.

Nathan is getting really ill now. Although he tries to reassure me by smiling through the pain and talking about other things, the truth of the matter can easily be seen. When I look into his mothers eyes I can tell that he hasn't got long left. So for that reason I spend every waking hour beside him, my hand locked in his own weak grasp, chatting with him or telling him stories of home when he gets too tired to talk.

He get's tired often now, and the silences in the hospital room become increasingly frequent. During those silences the pain sets in like some kind of festering infection that hurts me relentlessly from the inside. Not just for Nathan but for Joe. Sometimes I find myself looking down at my free hand and wondering why Joe's hand isn't there. Or sometimes I say Joe's name when I'm speaking to Nathan by accident, but either he doesn't notice or is beyond caring.

After the kissing incident Nathan forgave me pretty much straight away - which I am undeniably thankful for. I think he knew all along that Joe is my true soulmate, and that fact allowed him to accept my reasoning for the kiss.

One particular morning, approximately 11 days since Joe cleared out and left without even a goodbye, I am sitting next to Nathan as usual with his hand locked in my own, telling him about that party I attended with the youtube gang all those months ago. Everything seems fine - Nathan's skin is quite pale and his cheeks are gaunt, however that lively spark is still present in his eyes as he listens to my tales with quiet amusement.

I am in the middle of describing Caspar Lee's drunken breakdancing techniques when suddenly I feel his grip on my hand loosen, and his eyelids flutter. He parts his mouth and an almost inaudible moan escapes his lips.

"Nathan. Nathan what's wrong?" I say, immediately falling into panic mode as his moans become louder. He looks so weak - he can't even hold his head up from the pillow.

"Gary! Susan! Somethings wrong!" I frantically address Nathan's parents who are buried in conversation on the other side of the room. They look up at me, concern flooding into their exhausted eyes. They stand up hastily from their chairs and move to stand on the other side of his bed. I stand up from my chair and stagger backwards, my hand over my mouth in disbelief as I watch Nathan begin to sink under. He doesn't even respond to his mother talking to him, desperately trying to get a response from him. I can only just see the shallow movement of his chest as he breathes - my stomach drops as I consider the horrifying possibility that this could be it.

I couldn't even utter a single word as Gary and Susan fussed over him, trying everything to get him to respond. Eventually, with tears streaming down her cheeks, Susan summoned the nurse.

I look both Gary and Susan in the eyes with disbelief, unable to comprehend that this might just be the moment that we've all been dreading. A thousand words seem to cross between us as we exchange glances, none of us quite daring to accept the truth.

There has to be more time yet.

A doctor arrives with a nurse at his heels, a grim determination on his face. He wastes no time in checking Nathan's vitals which takes so long that I literally want to scream. I just want him to open his eyes and smile at me one last time. That's how I want to remember Nathan, smiling and happy.