Avengers Imagines (Part One)

Natasha Romanoff X Fem!Reader - Antidote

A/N - This chapter is based on the song 'Antidote' by Faith Marie. I hope you all enjoy it.

Ever since Thanos had come to earth you had been acting; putting on the performance of a lifetime. God, you'd convinced them all that you were coping perfectly well, but in your head you were falling apart. The world was changing in a way you would never fully understand and you couldn't keep up anymore. But you plastered a smile on your face and pretended that everything was fine.

Small talk had been the best way of hiding your true thoughts. "How are you?" Nat would murmur, the two of you sitting together in almost perfect silence in the kitchen. 

"I'm doing alright," you would answer softly, offering up a half smile that would put her mind at ease. "How are you?" 

You were shocked to find how bad she was at keeping her emotions hidden from you. She had been working as a spy for decades, and had run missions without ever letting her cover be broken, and yet the moment you asked a simple question she would crumble. "I-" she started softly, shaking her head slightly. "I've been struggling, but It's getting better," she continued, her eyes wet as she attempted to push down the bubbling emotion. 

Part of you was jealous of how effortlessly she could show you her vulnerability to you. It was like she had no fear of your reaction; no worry that you would laugh or belittle her. And yet you couldn't do the same for her. 

"I don't know how you do it, you know?" she added, breaking the silence that had fallen between you. You glanced up at her with your brows furrowed. "You seem so good at dealing with whatever is thrown at you. It's like it just rolls off your back without effecting you."

A snort of laughter fell from your lips, and you quickly shook your head before you could stop yourself. "No," you murmured softly. Nat was watching you carefully as you attempted to find something else to say. "It definitely effects me," you added, leaning back in your seat and releasing a deep sigh. "I'm just incapable of properly expressing myself." You paused for a moment, meeting her eyes for just a second before pulling them away. "The way my mind works is terrifying sometimes. Even now, after you've confessed that you're finding shit hard, I'm finding it difficult to even consider telling you how bad it's been for me."

Nat nodded slightly, shifting in her seat. "I want you to tell me," she finally murmured, offering you a small smile when you glanced up at her. "It makes me feel more sane to know that you feel the same way," she added, giving a small shrug. 

"I feel like I'm not really living anymore," you told her. "Feels like I'm just forcing myself to make it to the end of the week, just to do it all over again." 

"Yeah," Nat uttered. "It's more surviving than living, right?" 

You swallowed around the lump in your throat, choking out a sharp chuckle. "Exactly," you exclaimed softly. "I'm just so tired of feeling like the world is ending. I want to be fine for five minutes; not even happy, just fine." You released a deep sigh, meeting her eyes again. "It must've been a mistake right? I should've been one of the people that didn't make it-"

"Y/N," Nat started, shaking her head at your comment.

"I mean, what am I good for? I can't find some magical fix for what happened. I can't help people. I'm just here." 

"Don't say that," she started again, reaching out and gripping your hand tightly in hers. "You think we would be any better off if it was someone else that lived? We're all lost, okay, no one would be more useful that you are-" 

Her words drifted off into nothing as you nodded, taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself. "I know."

"And I need you. You've kept me sane." A moment later, she was wrapping you up in her arms, pulling you closer to her. "God, I would be going mad by now if I was stuck here with Sam, or someone," she added, feeling you let out a small chuckle in her grasp. 

*Time Skip*

You door opening had woken you up pretty suddenly in the middle of the night, startling you out of your sleep and leaving you groggy as you sat up to look over at Nat. She looked a little sheepish, hovering by the door in her pyjamas.

"What are you doing up?" you murmured, rubbing at your eyes in an attempt to wake yourself up fully. 

Nat gave a short shrug, shifting on the spot for a moment. "I couldn't sleep," she uttered. "The nights seem harder for me at the moment." 

You gave a short nod, shuffling over slightly and pulling back the covers. "You'll freeze if you keep standing there like that," you told her, patting the mattress and waiting for her to hurry across your bedroom.  

"Thank you," she murmured, climbing under the covers beside you. She seemed a little lost when you wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer to you. 

"Nights are hard for me too," you whispered, a small frown on your lips. "I have to take anxiety meds to shut my brain down enough to actually sleep," you added, burrowing sleepily into her shoulder. 

A small bubble of laughter coming from Nat caught you off guard, and your entire body tensed slightly under her touch. "You offered that up without me asking," she told you softly. "And I'm really proud of you," she added, pulling you closer and wrapping her arms tightly around you. 

You offered her a small smile as your body relaxed at her comment. She was right, you'd definitely gotten better about being honest about what was going on in your head, and she was more than happy to listen when you did confess. It wasn't perfect, but without her help, you would have gone insane weeks ago, and now, you were starting to feel a little more normal. 

You pulled back slightly, your eyes meeting hers for a moment. And then your lips were pressed to hers, and your fingers were in her hair, and it all felt so right; so perfect. She was with you, and in that moment, in the darkness where the real world didn't exist, she was all that mattered.

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