the game ((yandere x reader))

LXXII- kill me

day 65

The rest of the day had been a pain for (Y/n), their constant worrying about her made her unbelievably anxious but whenever she expressed this to them they'd worry even more. It was all just growing to be too much... Well, it had always been too much but whenever things are at their worst they somehow get even worse every time.

That night she lay awake in bed, not an uncommon occurance these days. The future was somehow painfully predictable and impossible to predict at the same time. There were some things she knew wouldn't change but every other aspect was up in the air.

(Y/n) would've just loved to have a grasp on things, she wanted to understand and empathise but she couldn't.

Losing her friends, losing her trust and losing her control had (Y/n) close to losing her mind. She wasn't power obsessed like Tim or the Gamemaster, she just wanted to be able to control her own actions and reactions. She didn't want to be under anyone's thumb anymore but equally she didn't want to be so susceptible to tenderness. She cursed her parents for being so unloving and making her this way.

She soon realised that she wouldn't be falling asleep anytime soon and moved her duvet off of her. Maybe a walk around the house would tire her out, with her door no longer obstructed she could do this.

It was with shaky legs that (Y/n) quietly left her room, if she had gone on another night it was likely that she would've seen Hana leaving or going to the basement but an argument with Bella caused Hana to skip her visit for the night.

(Y/n) needed to think things through. She needed a conclusion for her feelings, a permanent solution to her problems. What the Gamemaster said was rattling around her head, everything about the possibility of giving up and him indirectly saving her life. This accompanied by thought of Max played at her conscience.

He knew he was going to die before that knife was against his throat, (Y/n) knew it too even if she was more reluctant to admit it. She remembered what he said to her in his last days:

"You have to understand that you might not be able to stop them, and if you can't then it's not your fault, okay?"

It was difficult for her to believe that, it wasn't just the fact that the knife had been in her hand but that she had been stupid enough to selfishly try to fight Owen. She didn't know what else to do to get him off of her, asking nicely didn't work, her only other option led to death or destruction.

Experience had taught her that her options were to either accept this or suffer and neither were attractive. There was one other option but... No.

Max had specifically told her to carry on after he went... But what for? What could she even do with her life? She could barely do anything that wasn't dictated by one of her housemates, it was surreal.

It was like the Gamemaster said: she owed her life to him. But what sort of life was she leading before then? And what sort of life was she leading now? She thought things couldn't get any worse and tried to end her life, now they have got worse and....

What was she trying to preserve? What was the likelihood that she'd ever leave this place?

As the thoughts paraded her brain, (Y/n) was walking downstairs with no particular destination in mind.