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by CarmenKB

by CarmenKB

I stand still in the darkness, watching as the shadow in the bathroom creeps out to attack my brother. It all happened so fast. I didn't see the small glint of the knife. I stood there, frozen, my heart beating erratically.

"No!"

I gasp awake, my hands shooting forward to grab my brother, but he wasn't there. My stomach churned with anxiety, nausea filling the brim.

I breathed in and out to try and calm myself down, but it wasn't working. My breaths got tighter and tighter until I was choking. Tears spilled from my eyes, my hands scratching at my chest and throat.

I swung one arm to my left, realizing Minho was here. How had I forgotten? In the heat of the moment, I felt alone. Unbearably alone.

"Min-" I choke out, a loud sob escaping.

"Hm?" He hummed, rubbing his eyes and opening them to finally see me panicking. "Oh god, Jisung, baby, breathe." He sat up instantly, grabbing my wrists to stop me from scratching myself.

More and more tears fell, tiny pockets of air barely making it into my lungs. It burned. It hurt. Why couldn't I breathe? Am I dying?

"Jisung, listen baby. You're okay, I'm here." He pulls me down into an embrace, gently brushing my hair. My head was right by his chest, so he pressed my head against it. "Just listen to my heart beat okay? And breathe with me. In and out. In through your nose, out through your mouth. One, two, three..."

It took quite awhile for me to be able to focus on him. My head was spinning and my vision blurred, but I forced myself to take a deep breathe, which hurt more than I expected it to.

"That's it, lovely. In and out. You're doing great," he praises. He rubs my back as I start to cry again, my body trembling with fear. Two bad ones in the same night.

My hands grab him tightly, afraid someone would take him away. I had never felt so vulnerable after such a nightmare. I was so scared of losing my brother.

"Did you have a nightmare?" He questions as I begin to calm down.

"Yeah," I croak out, not letting my grip loose one bit. I felt sorry for it, but even if I wanted to let go, my arms were locked on.

"Have you ever had a panic attack after one?"

"I don't remember. I don't think so."

"Okay. Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"No."

"Do you want to watch a movie?"

"No."

"...okay."

"I-I just want lay with you," I admit. "I've never... that..." My breathing picks up again when I start stuttering over my words. I clamp my mouth shut, clenching my jaw and taking a few deep breaths. "Can we just lay here?" I finally suggest, wondering if it was possible have two panic attacks in a row.

Was that a panic attack? Or was that me hyperventilating? I shouldn't be so dramatic about it. I just couldn't breathe. It's not like I was dying or something.

But it felt like it.

"Of course, angel."