Why So Lonely? || Minsung 1/3 ✔️

174

2:58am

I slip on a sweatshirt, it coming down to hide the pajama shorts that I was wearing. Quietly, I step down the stairs slowly, cringing at the creaks. When I finally make it to the front door, it takes me a good minute before getting it open due to it being locked and noisy.

Stepping out, I take a whiff of fresh air. It smells chilly and a bit like the trees. Kind of like summer, but spring. It's relieving.

I sit on my porch, tilting my head up to stare at the stars. Gosh, they were so beautiful. Not as pretty as Minho, but they were up there.

Sometimes I needed to come out at night. Give myself a breather. This definitely helped. Being alone, but feeling safe (even if was outside in the dark).

The stars always held a warm place in my heart. They were always there when I needed them. When they weren't there, the moon was. It's just how it worked for me.

The sky wasn't all black. It was incredibly dark blue tonight. I could see traces of lighter blues that blended in because of the sleepy clouds.

It felt like it had been a long time since I had seen the sky fully awake at night. It made me energetic, yet I yawned that moment.

The amount of comfort the night brought me was nice. When I had a rough day, I knew the night would always come. It couldn't not come. If the night were a person, I would trust it with everything. Besides sleep, of course. I'd rather be awake.

I hum to myself.

My emotions have been all over the place this year. The emptiness really took over at some points. My thoughts were always clouded with the past. It was shitty.

It still somewhat is, but it's gotten better. Forgiveness doesn't come easy. Forgetfulness doesn't either. You can't just forget the pain someone gave to you. It's stuck with you for the rest of your life. You just have to deal with it. It's not easy, but nothing ever is.

As my thighs get goosebumps from the cold, I continue thinking. Nothing in particular. Some memories I had with my friends. Some reminders with my family. Some moments I had with Minho.

Everything stayed in my heart and mind. I couldn't just let things go. They had to be pushed to the back of my head. With this new therapist, they're bound to be brought forward. I guess I'll have to enjoy the contentment now before it's too late.

I think back to the loneliness. I would never be able to get over that. Being lonely is natural sometimes. It's something that buried itself into my chest without permission.

I never asked to be lonely. I just wanted someone. Minho was that someone, but it never ends.

Sometimes I catch myself asking, why so lonely, Jisung? Why so lonely? You have amazing friends. Why do you have to be lonely all of the time? Can't you just be okay?

No, I can't. Sometimes you have to feel bad. It's like that saying, "rainbows always come after rain." It just takes a few storms to get there.

I have learned some things about myself, though. Sometimes, I don't feel lonely when I'm alone. I'm okay when I'm by myself. I can be okay when I'm by myself. That's a fantastic strength. A lot of people can't be alone. I've gotten comfortable with myself. That's the one good thing to come out of not having good friends for a long time.

I hear the front door open, making me look back. Minho rubs his eyes while holding a blanket in his arms. So tiny.

He smiles, coming over to sit. He lays the blanket over our laps, wrapping an arm around me. I lean back into his chest, sighing.

"What are you doing out so late?" He questions, petting my hair and soothing my slight headache.

"Thinking."

He hums. "Anything in particular?"

"Not really."

Our conversation ends there.

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•Sorry for the late update•