Why So Lonely? || Minsung 1/3 ✔️

86

4:28am

Crickets chirp outside, my fish tank bubbler being just a bit louder than the insects.

I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, tears streaming down my face. I had my small throw pillow hugged tightly to my chest, the fabric collecting the droplets that gathered by my chin.

No matter what feelings I told to him, words I said to him, it was never enough. I wanted to shout at him. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to hit him. But nothing would satisfy me. I still resented him.

The pain was too much. I wanted to scream and cry as loud and hard as I could. I wanted to pull my hair, feel some type of pain to replace my anger. I wanted to hit the walls, get my frustration out, but all I could do was sit there and cry silently. I wished for some type of relief, but there was nothing.

I knew tonight was going to be long. I wasn't going to sleep. I would get dressed for school after hearing my phone go off. I'd go downstairs and leave without saying goodbye. I'd see Minho, and I'd just cry some more.

That's just how it worked. Hold in the anger. Hold in the frustration. Hold everything in until I got to my safe place. Just so I could cry it all out and hear, 'it'll be okay,' afterwards.

Then maybe, just maybe, I could sleep during lunch. I'd refuse to eat because I just didn't have the energy. I'd lay my head on Minho's shoulder, sighing to myself as I felt his warm, comforting fingers run through my hair while he continued on a conversation with Changbin.

That's what I hoped for.

I should live in the present, the real world.

Would I even have the strength to get out of bed later on? Would I even be able to take another school lesson without bursting with raw, pained emotions?

I began to focus on my breathing, my head starting to hurt from all the pressure put on it.

The tears subsided after awhile, the clock reading 6:48am. I had twelve minutes until I had to get up and go. I would force myself up because I knew I did not want to stay here.

My phone then buzzed, scaring me from my thoughts. I looked at it for a moment before finally picking it up.

- - - - -

Texting Sunshine ☀️💕

Sunshine ☀️💕
if you're not up for
today, that's okay.
i'm always here.
if you're going to force
yourself through the
day, text me back.
i'll try to make today
as easy as possible
for you, angel.
i love you so much.

My heart hurt at how much I loved this kid.

Jisung
i'm coming to school.

Sunshine ☀️💕
i'll pick you up, okay?
get ready right now.
i'm on my way

Jisung
👌

- - - - -

I struggle to get out of the bed, my body heavy like a bag of bricks. After I pulled on some decent clothing, which was just a t-shirt and cargo sweatpants - both black, I put on a beanie.

I go to the bathroom, jumping when I saw how red and puffy my face was. I quickly wash it, hoping to cool down the redness, at least.

A few minutes go by and he's at the door while I'm still putting on my shoes. I sigh when I finally grab my bag and kiss my mom goodbye. She tells me I don't have to go if I don't want to, but I shake my head and leave anyway.

We walk out of the front door, heading straight to his car. The silence was almost too much. But luckily, it didn't last long.

"Did you sleep last night?" He questions, glancing over toward me.

I shake my head, not trusting my voice. I knew it was going to be somewhat rough from all the crying. My throat also was sore as hell.

I lean against the window, staring down the darkened streets of Korea. The sun was barely even rising at this time.

"Where are we going?" I speak up, cringing at the sound and clearing my throat.

"The Space Coffee House. Close to the school and has the best breakfast sandwiches. Their soup is pretty good too."

I sigh, nodding and not bothering to argue today.

He reaches for my hand, gently caressing the back of it with his thumb, "I'm guessing it didn't go well yesterday?"

"It went fine, I'm just tired of everything."

He frowns, staying silent but continuing to rub my hand. I wouldn't know what to say either.

"It'll be okay, angel. Sooner or later, it'll be okay," he promises after a few minutes go by, wanting to keep his word.

I shrug, "let's forget about it until later. I want to be somewhat happy with you right now. You always brighten my days."

______

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