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by CarmenKB

by CarmenKB

I lean into Minho's chest when we're at the lunch table. I was exhausted. After the argument in the car, I went inside and stayed in my room the entire night. My mom did bring me up some dinner later on, and it was fucking delicious.

I ended up calling Felix, as well. Our conversation was nice and long. We touched on deep stuff and small things. I don't think I've ever had such a conversation with him before.

I only had to deal with Heetuk's shit for a few more days. Then I could go out and get away. Unless he was staying again.

Oh no, I realize. The end of the month is coming. He's moving back in.

Frustration touched upon my fingertips. I can't deal with these thoughts today. I don't want to go back home. It's torture, especially when my mom isn't home.

But I'll have to deal with it. I can't go anywhere. I don't feel like having anyone over because I just know something will happen.

The stress that squeezed my heart ached. I sighed, letting my eyes slip closed. Minho's hand rubbed my shoulder gently, soothing me.

"You okay?"

"Headache," I reply.

"Why?"

I frown, sitting up and looking at him.
"Excuse me?"

"Why do you have a headache?"

"Maybe because my fucking-" I take in a deep breath, the harshness of my tone scaring me. I'm not an angry person. Especially not toward Minho. What is wrong with me? "I-I'm sorry."

"Jisung," he whispers, pulling me closer. "Breathe, baby. You're okay. You have a headache because you're thinking too much. You have a lot of shit going on. You just need to focus on something else. You're getting too worked up."

I buried my face into his chest, breathing in his scent. Stupidly, tears began to well up behind my closed eyelids. I couldn't say there was nothing to cry about, but still. I shouldn't be so upset right now.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have worded it like that. Tell me, my love, what are you thinking about?"

I shake my head. I assumed he could feel my slight trembling. "I-I just need to hide."

"Okay, lovely. I'll protect you. It's okay."

"Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" Changbin says when I'm at my locker.

"Yeah, sure. What's up?" I ask, shutting the metal door and focusing on him.

"What happened at lunch?"

I raise an eyebrow, "what do you mean?"

He glances away before looking back at me. "You looked like you were having an anxiety attack or something of the sort."

"For one, I wasn't. Two, I don't know what to tell you. I'm just stressed, it's fine."

"Jisung, this is too hard for you. If you need to get away, you can always stay with me or Chan. But... I really think you need a therapist."

"Changbin, no. I had one. It didn't work out. Why are you even bringing this up? I'm fine."

"You're lying again. You've convinced yourself it didn't work, but your parents pulled you from it after-"

"Quit it. I don't want to talk about it."

"Jisung," he growls, grabbing my arm before I could turn to leave. "Your parents were focused on Heetuk. After he left again, they pulled you from it even though you knew it was helping you. You need therapy. This is unhealthy and you know it. It's having bad effects on your body. You're anxiety has been up for years and you haven't done anything for it. Shit, you haven't even admitted it to yourself. Talk to your parents and get back in there."

I stared at him with tears in my eyes. His grip loosened after a bit. Too much. Too much. It was too much. I could feel it in my chest.