Every Kind of Way

Beauty Queen

I still can't believe Engfa kissed me back. I thought she would never do it since she's always so confident with everyone else, but with me she's very shy. I had heard a lot about Engfa before we met. She has a really flirty personality, I even heard some of her fans called her Daddy.

During the campaign process, I met everybody via chat or video call, but I was too busy to meet up with Engfa because of our conflicting schedules. We texted for around two or three weeks before we did our first live together. Once we did, I felt something I never had before, butterflies.

Everything I heard about Engfa was true, but for some reason I was the exception. She flirted with me, of course, but she always blushed and tried hiding her face. When I saw her speaking with the other girls, she seemed so confident and her gaze was penetrating, but not with me. I was different somehow. Her fans started calling us Englot after our first live. I found the name adorable, but at the time I didn't know how much meaning it would hold for both of us.

Engfa was really direct from the start. She always advocated for the LGBTQ+ community and let everyone know she was a lesbian from the get-go. When we did our first live, she asked me if I was a part of the community I said yes even though I've never had a girlfriend.

Charlotte: "I'm open to dating anyone as long as it feels right."

Engfa: "Do you want to try it?" Just one question and Engfa had me blushing and hiding my face with embarrassment, but it didn't stop there. We had to wait almost a month before we saw each other in person, but it was worth it. I don't know about Engfa but my feelings were a bit clearer once I saw her in the middle of the crowd.

We always supported each other. I watched all of Engfa's interviews and tried joining her lives for a couple minutes just to let her know I was there, and she did the same for me. After we met, we became inseparable. I always wanted to be with Engfa or close to her, we even got arranged as roommates for the competition. They asked us if we were okay with bunking together. Engfa and I exchanged looks and laughed. As if we would have problems with that.

As roommates I got to know Engfa a little better than most. I saw her when she was down, tired, sometimes mad, but it was never directed at me. I just let her vent, she did the same for me, and then we cuddled until we each felt better. I felt safe in her arms, but I started getting worried about the things I was feeling. As time went by the fans got a little too up close and personal with me and Engfa to the point where we had to place some distance between us because we felt under a lot of pressure. I was certain I liked Engfa, but was I in love with her? Or was it just a deep feeling of appreciation that I was confusing it with?

Engfa gave me the space I needed, but sometimes I felt like she would just leave me behind. Engfa tried not to push too hard, and I didn't do anything to let her know how I felt so we drifted apart for a while. I was scared that we would stop talking all together so I asked Engfa to meet up in our room so we could talk. At first, it was awkward because we forgot how to be around each other, but we had to talk things through or whatever this was would be gone. There was also the pressure that the pageant was putting on us because they wanted us to do more shows together, including a live concert just the two of us.

Charlotte: "So... how have you been?" Engfa was sitting on her bed in a corner while I was leaning against the dresser.

Engfa: "I've been okay. How about you?"

Charlotte: "I'm okay too. It's kind of weird living with you all the time, but barely talking, isn't it?"

Engfa: "Yeah, it is, but I know you needed time."

Charlotte: "I miss you P'Fa." I was on the verge of tears. One of the people that I cared about the most felt so distant to me and all I wanted was for us to be okay. Engfa got up and hugged me.

Engfa: "God, I missed you too Char." We stayed like that for a few minutes until I calmed down. "Are you okay?"

Charlotte: "I am now. I want us to go back to normal. I can deal with the pressure from the fans and from the pageant, but I don't want to lose what we have P'Fa."

Engfa: "Char, what do we have?" Engfa looked at me with caution. "You already know I'm crazy about you and I really don't want to pressure you into anything. I'm willing to wait all the time you may need and even if this doesn't turn into a relationship, I will still be there for you."

Charlotte: "The only thing I'm certain about right now is that I don't want to lose you." I looked into her eyes waiting for her response.

Engfa: "Then that's enough for me." I smiled widely and kissed Engfa without hesitation. That was the beginning of our relationship.