Less talking | Maneskin |

Sanity

*Still Damiano's POV*

I deleted the text not even opening it. Doesn't matter how hard I tried not to be affected by it, I still got the overwhelming feeling of pain, guilt, anger... I can't do this to Sky, to myself. To Giorgia even. I realised that taking Thomas' advice was a mistake this time. Too bad I was so caught up in my feelings, it clouded my sanity. 

I packed my belongings and left the house. It was late, so calling the driver didn't seem like a good idea. I didn't even want him to take me, because I would have to explain my sporadic decisions at least briefly. I took a last look at the house. Knowing she was peacefully sleeping there shot a bullet in my heart. It all escalated so quickly and I'm the one guilty for my hurt and hers, if she feels the same way. I called a cab and lit a cigarette. Inhaling the bitter smoke deep into my lungs made me relax a little. 

I fished my apartment key out of the pocket and unlocked the door. An unpleasant feeling came over me once I stepped in. It was cold and empty, reminiscent of all the fights and heartbreak. I left my luggage by the door and went into the bedroom. I wanted to cleanse the bad energy, so I changed the sheets and opened all the windows. I felt like an alien lying in my own bed. My body still remembered Sky's touch and that made it difficult to fall asleep. I wondered how will she react to me not being there? To me teasing her and then abandoning her? Hell, I am an awful egoist. 

The morning came and I couldn't relax, thinking that any minute they will find out I left, any minute I can receive a call and I don't even know if I want to explain everything to my friends. I don't want Sky to know my inner conflicts. I want her to think that I'm a selfish douche, a player. I want her to be mad at me, to feel angry. I would get what I deserve that way. Self-pitty is a bi*ch. It's a destructive feeling and it shows that you can't accept your own mistakes without being sorry for getting burned. I took my guitar and found a piece of paper. In this state the best thing I could do was make my emotions work for me. We still had to write a few songs for the album and I focused on doing that. I needed to snap back from my state, because I am a public figure and I have duties that won't wait for me to feel better. 

I put my thoughts out on the paper and it sounded good the way I played it. I believed it could definitely go in the album. I sang  the whole thing to myself. If only I could sing it to her... I decided to call Ethan and  ask him to tell everyone I left and won't be coming back for a while. I kept it brief and he understood it. That's why I love him. 

My doorbell rang. I wasn't in the mood to talk to whoever was on the other side, so I just ignored it. It rang again. And again. After a moment my lock clicked and I knew it wasn't going to be a pleasant surprise.
— Are you deaf? - she threw the keys on the table.
— To you I am, - I responded and shut myself inside the bedroom. 
— We have to talk, - I heard her call out.
— There's nothing to talk about, you said it yourself, - I responded.
— Damiano, - she opened the door, - Listen to me. 
— I don't understand you, Giorgia, - I laughed in disbelief, - Last time we talked, you said you wanted to forget I exist. What changed? 
— It was a heat of the moment argument. Now I am calm and ready to talk like two grown people, but I see you like acting up like a child, - she stood in the doorway.
— What is there to talk about?! 
— I don't want to end it, - she said and it shocked me. I looked at her and saw my Giorgia, it made my heart ache like hell. Her outer facade was colder than before, but hearing her voice still made me relive our happy moments together. 
— How did you know I was going to be here? - I changed the subject, giving myself some time to think about my response.
— I didn't. I came here to take some of my things. I left you a text, - she said, her stone cold expression fading into sadness.
— I know, - I responded, sitting on the edge of the bed. She came and sat beside me, leaving more space in between us than she usually would. I thought about her words. Maybe it's the universe giving me a sign this is the path I had to take? Maybe I should let go of everything that happened and try again? She put her hand on mine and I wanted to take mine away, but the fight in my head made me distracted.
— Hey, I still love you. I know the past few months were really rough, I know I said some things that hurt you deeply, but you did the same to me and I forgive you. I hope you can forgive me too, - she stared right at me and I tried to remain unfazed, - It won't be easy, but I believe if we took it one step at the time, we could rebuild everything. We have to let go of all the nonsense. What do you think?
— I think there's nothing to rebuild. It's been too long and all the accusations you made, all the things you did... We were practically strangers for the last six months, how can you get back to the way it was before? - I vocalised my thoughts.
— All it takes is time and willingness from both sides. Look at me, - she cupped my face with her hand. The familiar touch made me flinch, but she didn't notice, - You are the only one on my mind, the only one in my heart, I will forever be sorry for all those bad times and for my actions, but I believe in us, Damiano.
— I... Need to think, - I said as her pressence made me confused.
— Take your time, - she smiled and got up. She went into the bathroom and I was left completely numb. I burried my face in my hands debating if it's possible to glue all the broken pieces together. 

I felt something vibrating beside me. It was her phone. I ignored it at first, but the screen flashed and I saw the caller's name. All my doubts were cleared right away.
— I thought we could try going to therapy, you... - she came back.
— GET. OUT. - I gritted my teeth, interrupting her.
— What? Why? I thought we-
— I said get out! - I screamed startling her. Her eyes went to the bed, where her phone was still ringing.
— Oh, you misunderstood, it's not-
— It's enough for me. Don't you fu*king understand? It's over! It was over for a long time and I don't want to ever see you here again. Take all your stuff and give me my key back, - I tried not to snap too much. She tried arguing, but I ignored her. I couldn't even look at her. What a damn fool I am. I was embarrassed I almost fell for her bullsh*t again. I went around, searching for her things. She took majority of it last time she left, now there were a few clothes and shower items. I collected everything and threw it at her feet. 
— Fuck you, Damiano! - she took her things and went for the door, - I wasted my time thinking you might still be a decent person! Have a good life, you as*hole! - she slammed the door. I took a glass of water. Even that had the mark of her lipstick. I screamed and threw the glass at the wall, shattering it completely. My emotions errupted and I started sobbing the way I hadn't for a long time.

*NEXT DAY*

I found out Sky was sick. I felt guilty for leaving her and burdening her head with the questions. I wanted to visit her so badly, to be by her side and take care of her. But i couldn't. I had to sort my feelings out before reappearing in her life. Yesterday hurt me, it tore me into pieces and re-opened the wounds that were almost healed. But most of all, yesterday helped me stop feeling guilty for trying to be happy. It closed the door, that was clinking barely open, allowing me to start the new chapter. I finally felt hopeful for my future, I felt hopeful, that dark times are finally over and it was time for something beautiful now. I finally called my manager and told her me and Giorgia are definitely over. I didn't care it could leave a bad mark on my public image. I was finally ready to commit to my decision. I should have been long time ago.

Two weeks passed. There wasn't a day that I didn't think about Sky. Ethan told me she got better. I was thankful for him taking such a good care of her. I took care of many things during these days, but most importantly - I realised that I wanted to take a shot at what me and Sky had started. I was determined to talk to her, to sort things through and open up about what's been going on inside my head. I was nervous and afraid, I hoped she wouldn't hate me, I hoped she would understand. I couldn't wait any longer. Today was going to be the day.

I packed my essential stuff and went to the house. Nobody opened the door, so I unlocked it myself and went inside. It was strangely empty and quiet. I figured they went out to run some errands, so I went to the living room and watched some shows to pass time until they get back. 

A few hours passed and nobody was home yet. I texted Vic, hoping to find out where everybody's gone. "We're camping at lake Como, join?" she responded. I immediately called her.
— Heyyy, long time no hear! - she laughed.
— Don't tell anybody I texted you, okay? - I got straight to the point.
— Sure, why? Are you coming? - she was confused.
—No, just don't tell anyone. 
— Okay. How are you? - she was concerned.
— I'm better than ever, we'll talk soon, I promise, - I said.
— Okay, I'm glad to hear that. I'll send you the coordinates if you change your mind about joining us. We decided to camp in the woods, no bnb this time.
— Adventurous, huh? - I laughed.
— Yeah, it's fun, the water's great.
— I'm happy to hear that. Okay, go have fun, we'll talk in person, - I smiled into the phone.
— K, love you!
— Love you, silly, - I chuckled.

A text from Vic got in with the coordinates. It's about 1.5 - 2 hours away. I looked at the clock to see what time it was. 4:19 PM. I could still make it if I act quickly. I jumped in my car and speeded back to my apartment. I threw some clothes in the backpack and left to hit the road. I couldn't wait any longer, I was determined to talk to the woman that completely spun my head around. I tried to plan everything out. I knew we will need privacy to talk, but I didn't know if she will agree to. The 1.5 hour drive passed quickly as I was deep in my thoughts. 

I parked my car and headed into the woods, following the directions. My heart started beating faster with every step I made, getting closer to the spot they were at. The nervousness killed me, but I was craving to see her. I heard familiar voices in the distance. Trough the trees I saw their tents and headed towards it. I stopped, observing the scene. Only Thomas and Vic were there, trying to light a bonfire. I was about to walk closer, when I heard Sky laughing. I turned to that direction to see her and Ethan come out of woods. They didn't see me. Ethan carried her on the back and she looked so happy. I got my phone out of my pocket and searched for a place to stay the night. I couldn't bring myself to cloud her happiness.