Less talking | Maneskin |

The good, the bad, the ugly

I didn't say anything, just went to my room and locked the door. Too many emotions came over me and I didn't want to regret my actions later. I sat on my balcony chair and let myself cry. It's so hard to see through people sometimes. I hated the situation I was in. He's famous, confident, desired, alluring and gorgeous. He knows how to impact your actions just by giving the right look. How could anyone confidently say he's not able to manipulte? But on the other hand - he's just a human. Can't he make mistakes, misjudge, get confused? He can. 

I believe in his sincerity. My heart breaks that he thought he found the right person to spend his life with and now has to go through everything being slowly destroyed. The fact that he didn't even mention his marriage to me, although he had so many opportunities, bugs me. He had a point - I did something similar to Saf, but it didn't directly affect her. I never wanted to be a homewrecker and knowing he filed for divorce only after we had our intimate moments makes me feel guilty. It's not the end of the world, but it's serious and it clouds our moments together.

These situations are the reason why I wanted to stay out of deeper relationships with them. Our worlds are so different, they don't mix. I fell for their charm, their personalities, because they're great people, but they have access to so much more, than a regular person like me does. I wasn't strong enough not to fall victim to their charisma. I know I will forgive Damiano. I know I will give us a chance again. That's just in my blood. I just really hope I am making the right decision. 

The tears that ran down my face before dried in the sun and I felt better. I thought about calling Saf to tell everything, but it was too soon for me. I washed my face with ice cold water and once it got back to semi-normal color, I got back to the living room. Thomas came back just as I was passing the front door.
— Have you been crying? - he noticed it right away and gave me a concerned look.
— Oh, no, something got under my contact and irritated the hell out of my eye, - I lied, rubbing my eye.
— Okaay, - he looked at me unsure.

I went outside and gathered the floaties out of the pool, since it was almost the time for pool cleaner to come. Damiano came out and leaned against the wall, smoking a cigarette. It was the first time I felt awkward silence fill the air between us. I wasn't sure what to say. I put the floaties near the shed and made my way back inside, but he stopped me, just before I was able to step in. I looked back at him questioningly. He ran his finger down my cheek, following the trail, where my tears once fell. I saw the hurt in his eyes as they started to shine even more. 
— I'll never forgive myself, - he said and I heard his voice cracking.
— We'll talk later, - I gestured my head towards the window, where you could see Thomas sorting out groceries in the kitchen. He nodded and let go of me, bringing the cigarette back to his lips.

— Need help? - I smiled at Thomas.
— I'm fine, thanks. What's up with you two? It seems like all your good mood left the house with me when I went to the shop, - he put the fruit into a large bowl.
— I don't know, maybe it's the weather, - I shrugged. 
— It really is hot, - he nodded, - I thought I'll pass out on my way back.
— You went on foot? - I was surprised.
— Yeah, I had no other plans.
The pool cleaner came and I let him in. Damiano returned inside and sat on the barstool by the kitchen island. Thomas started cooking something, following a step by step recipe closely. I chuckled seeing that.
— So how long are you staying here? - I sat down near Damiano.
— I'm actually leaving in the evening, how about you? - Thomas turned to face Damiano.
— I don't know yet, - he glanced at me, - We can't stay longer, because we have to record a few songs and practice for upcoming concerts.
— Yeah, I remember. Sucks though, I don't like being alone anymore, - I grabbed a pear from the bowl.
— I believe, the house is too big for one person, - Thomas nodded, mixing something.
— How was your time with Saffron? - Damiano got up to fill his glass with water.
— Oh yeah, totally forgot to ask, how rude, - Thomas added.
— Don't worry, - I giggled, - It was nice, we took a tour of the city. It was my first time exploring it since I came here. I would do a more thorough research next thime though, 6 hours of walking wasn't the best idea, - I smiled.
— That's some hardcore! - Thomas laughed.
— Yeah, we saw Duomo di Milano, I loved it, it stuck in my memory the best. What else... When we got back we just wanted to relax, so we watched a movie, - I continued, trying to push away the memories of Giorgia coming here.

We spent some time together and it was really fun. Eventually Thomas needed to leave, so me and Damiano said goodbye to him and watched as his car pulled out of driveway. Now that we were alone again, it was time to sort things out. I took his hand and lead him to the living room. He was surprised by that, but didn't say a word. We sat down on a couch and I faced him.

— I had a moment to process everything, - I broke the silence, - And I understand why this situation happened. I trust you and believe in your words. Although you hurt me not telling me something THAT important, I understand that you made a mistake and I forgive you for that, - He looked at me relieved.
— You have no idea how happy I am. I promise you, it's the last time we have a talk like this.
— Just... Please, Damiano, don't make me regret this, - I looked at his wonderful hazel eyes.
— I promise, - he said and licked his lower lip in a way that sent shivers down my body.
— Can you tell me why it didn't work out?
— My... marriage? - he didn't want to say the word.
— Yeah.
— I think a lot of factors played into it. We were too young, too immature... I don't want to get into too much detail, because it still hurts to remember those things, but in order for you to get the picture I can say... She cheated on me out of spite, - he looked at his hands, looking almost embarassed.
— Oh, - I was surprised by that.
— We tried to work it out at first, but there was no turning back and I just... I don't know, I hield onto it, hoping for a miracle or something... I don't know why it took half a year for me to finalise my decision. It's hard to end something that you had for so long.
— I understand.
— There was a lot of hot and cold, we had many nasty fights that made me leave wanting to call my lawyer the same minute, but then we would cool down and it seemed like there was something... something left that you could still revive... - his eyes got watery and I felt guilty making him speak about that. I scooted closer to him and gave him a hug. He put his chin on my head.
— You helped me more than you imagine, - he said.
— I helped you? - I asked.
— You did. You opened my eyes and made me believe that life goes on and that she wasn't the one for me. I felt something new inside of me, that I never felt before the first day I saw you. I just didn't want to admit it to myself at first, because we were total strangers, sharing a cigarette, - he chuckled, remembering the night.
— It's crazy how lucky I got that night, - I smiled.
— You call this luck? - he looked at me smiling.
— Yeah, can you imagine how many people would happily trade places with me? - I responded. He giggled.
— I'm glad that you say that. It's rare to meet somebody that fits right in your life like that place was always designated for them.
— Yeah, I was thinking the same. You know, I think the time apart will be very useful for us, - I said.
— Why? - he was surprised by my words.
— It will help put everything into place and when you come back, we will start everything fresh.
— I don't want a fresh start, - he leaned closer, brushing my hair away from my face, like he always did, - I want you. The good, the bad, the ugly. I want to show you my world and make you a part of it. - he whispered in my ear and I felt weak.