Less talking | Maneskin |

Sleepless

The whole world felt silent for a moment, I couldn't even hear my heart, but I felt it trying to break out of my chest. Our eyes met as I tried to understand what he said. A sharp pain went through my body as I got reminded of the irony life throws at me all the time. 
— A-are you sure it's not one of her many games? - I asked when I handled my emotions a little bit.
— I'm not, but when she told me, I asked to get a paternity test and she agreed, - he sat on the windowsill, - It's too early for that now, but I don't think she would agree if she wasn't a hundred percent sure.
— So it means... - I wanted to say something, but didn't have the words to express my thoughts.
— I have to support and take care of her, it's my child after all... I would have hoped for this to happen in a different way, but that little being isn't at fault here. I don't know how to act and how to solve all of this... - he looked at me.
— I wish I could say it doesn't change anything, - I fought the tears, - But a kid should have both of their parents...
— Let's not make any harsh decisions, please... I think we have to let it sink in over night.
— Where is she now? - I looked at him.
— She's staying at a different hotel, we're supposed to meet tomorrow to discuss things. I-I think I'm going to spend the night in Ethan's room, I'll come by in the morning, - he stood up, grabbed his jacket and went out.

As soon as the door closed, I felt like I couldn't get enough air. I opened the window and stood in front of it, cold breeze on my skin, but I didn't feel it. I thought I would feel betrayed and angry, but I was just disappointed... by myself. I saw something in his eyes that gave away how happy he would be becoming a dad if it was under different circumstances and I failed at that. I couldn't give him that, but she can and she's going to...

I didn't get much sleep during the night. I was just trying to figure out a way for us all to be happy, but every scenario made me feel like I was being selfish. I heard a knock in the morning, so I sat up in my bed. I thought it would be damiano, but Isla appeared instead.
— Hey, how are you today? - she asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.
— I don't even know what to say, - I shrugged.
— I can't imagine how hard it was yesterday, but it's okay to be mad, - she stroked my hand gently.
— I'm not mad at him, I just can't process it's happening, - I looked at her, - It hurts, but I have no right to be mad at him, we weren't together...
— Hey, it's okay, let's forget this, - she calmed me down.
— It's good that you came, I need to talk to you, - I looked away, because I was about to make a hard decision, - I think it would be best for me to go back to Rome as soon as possible.
— Yes, of course, I won't stop you, but... We can't do it right away, because the medicine I got you should be here any minute, - she looked at me apologetically.
— Can I just get it myself from that doctor you saw? 
— I'm afraid he's very busy... Let's just wait until it gets here and as soon as it does, I'll get you a flight, okay? I will book a different room for Damiano for now.
— It's okay... - I said, not knowing why, - We have some talking to do anyway.
— Are you sure? I don't think it's a good idea... - she looked at me sceptically.
— Maybe not... I don't know... 
— Okay, I'll take care of it, don't worry, - she stood up, - Take rest and try to fight the bad thoughts away. Do you want me to call Vic or someone else?
— No, I'm good, thanks, - I shook my head and lied down.

Damiano didn't show up for quite some time. I was wondering if he just went to see her first... It should be his priority, but I couldn't help feeling upset even thinking about it. I know it's stupid, but I didn't want this thing to break us apart. I wished to somehow save our relationship, even though it probably wasn't the right thing to do. After everything we've been through, I was ready to fight for us, I just didn't know if he would join the fight... I don't know if it was my nervousness that caused it, but my sickness came back full force, making me run to the bathroom again. I felt like I was slowly getting better, but this morning it went back to how it was in the beggining. I struggled to get back to bed as my legs felt weak. 

I openned my eyes to see Ethan looking at me worried.
— Hey, what happened? - I looked around to see where I was. 
— I came to check on you and found you passed out on the floor, - he hield my hand.
My vision came into focus again and I saw Damiano at the foot of the bed, leaning against the wall and looking at me.
— Can you... Give us a minute? - I looked at Ethan.
— I don't think it's a good idea to discuss things right now, - he looked at Damiano, that just stood motionless.
— Ethan, please... - I squeezed his hand.
— Okay, - he sighed, - But I'm going to take something for you to eat, - he stood up and left the room.
— Damiano... - I sat up, waiting for him to come closer, but he stayed in a same place, staring blankly at me.
— This is what I always do... - he said in a disgusted tone.
— What are you talking about? Come, we need to talk about yesterday... - I motioned for him.
— I always make you suffer, no matter how hard I try not to, - he looked up and I saw how much pain his eyes were holding.
— Stop it-
— No, listen, Sky, I think... It will be extremely hard and painful, but I think you'll be better without me.
— What? Nonsense! - I flinched hearing his words.
— I know it will hurt, but time will heal like it does everytime... Maybe some day we'll be able to be friends, maybe not, but at least I'll know that you're living your life without being hurt constantly, - he fixed his shirt and turned to the door.
— Don't do this, Damiano, you're not the only one to decide. I was ready to get past this somehow, to stay strong together, - I fiddled with the duvet to get out of the bed.
— Sky, just stop... - he sighed, - You need to move on and I need to be with my family now.