Less talking | Maneskin |

The answer

— What do they say? - I asked again.
— I-I don't know what to say, - she extended me both sticks, one showing one line and other one showing two, - I think it would be best to wait for the morning and then take another one to settle the results, because there can be fake positives and fake negatives...
— It's never going to be easy for me, huh? - I smiled disappointed.
— Just try not to worry, okay? Get some rest, take care of yourself and I'll be there in the morning with a few more, - Isla put her hand on my shoulder. 
— I guess I have no choice, - I sighed, - Just please, keep this between us, okay?
— Of course, Sky, - she smiled, - Well, I better take these and go, because the band should be coming back soon, we don't want them to catch us.
— Yeah, thank you, Isla.
She left and I got back to the bed. How was I supposed not to think about this? The thought of possibly having a baby consumed me whole. How would Damiano react to this? We were on and off for some time, but I don't feel like now is the best time. It's too soon and I don't know if I would be ready for this sudden change...

Damiano startled me when he came back.
— Hey baby, did I wake you? - he crawled on the bed planting a soft kiss on my cheek.
— Hi, no, I was just drowsy... - I answered yawning, - How did the show go?
— Very good, somefody threw a bracelet on the stage and it got caught on Thomas' guitar, we had to untangle it and it was funny, - he chuckled, - Better tell me how are you feeling?
That question now meant a lot more... I wanted to tell him what me and Isla were up to, but I wasn't ready to face the consequences. Even if his reaction would be nothing but happiness, I didn't want to give him false hope when I wasn't sure of it myself.
— I still got nausea, but it's a little better than before, - I forced a smile.
— I hate that I can't do anything to make it easier for you, - he played with my fingers, - I'm gonna go take a quick shower and then we can cuddle and watch any movie you want, how does it sound?
— Perfect, - I smiled.
He went to the bathroom and I tried to remember if we really cleared all the "evidence" of what me and Isla were doing in there. 

I loved the moments when he would come out of shower. His sexy scent would fill the whole room and the view of his half naked body in a towel, that was barely clinging to him made me go wild every time. Too bad that this time instead of pulling him into bed for a wild night, I could barely move without vomiting all over the place. He winked at me and pulled out my suitcase.
— What are you doing? - I asked surprised.
— I thought I'd pack your stuff, because we have an interview in the morning and after that we're going to leave.
— Oh, don't worry, I'll pack it myself in the morning.
— It's fine, I don't want you out of bed until you feel better. Unless you have private things in there that you don't want me to see? - he wiggled his eyebrows with a kinky smile on his face.
— Stop it, - I chuckled, - No, there's no secrets sadly.
Even though he looked happy, his face was giving away how tired he actually was. I suggested to skip on the movie, but he really wanted to do something with me before sleeping, so we watched "The age of Adaline".
— If I was a man, I would marry Blake Lively... - I sighed looking at how beautiful she looked on the screen.
— If I was a woman, I would be a lesbian, - he laughed.
I couldn't fully focus on the moment as everything around reminded me of the uncertainty that was looming over me. I looked at the man that was facetiming his cats before bed and my heart filled with warmth. I know he will be a great father to his kids one day, but I wasn't sure if I will be their mother.

The morning finally came and I was almost jumping in my seat for Damiano to finally leave. I didn't want him to, but it was the only way for me to finally know the answer to that haunting question. As if she read my mind, Isla came into our room to hurry him. She had to accompany them to the interview, but because she was as invested in the situation as I was, the other manager was told to deal with that task.
— Did you already pee? - she asked me when we were alone in the bathroom.
— No, I was holding it, - I chuckled.
— Good, they say the results are the clearest that way, - she handed me two sticks.
I did everything instructions told me to and set the tests on the counter to wait again. I prayed for the result to be clear this time, because I couldn't handle the nerves anymore. When the time was up I jumped up to see the result even before Isla could do it. I just needed clarity.
— What is it? - she peeked through my shoulder.
— Both negative.. - I voiced what she already saw.
— I have two more if you'd like to make sure, - she suggested.
— I-I don't know, I think it's clear that I'm not.. - I struggled to speak, because I felt overrun with emotions, I just couldn't tell what they were. I ended up taking another two and as they came back negative I was completely sure I wasn't pregnant.
— How are you feeling? - Isla was very supportive, but I just had to process everything in my head before talking to somebody.

Even though last night I freaked out from the thought of carrying a baby inside of me, knowing it was a false alarm broke my heart. I couldn't help but create the scenarious in my head and it looked so idyllic that I couldn't process it not happening anytime soon. With that out of the way, I was left with even more confusion about what was happening to me. I was sick of feeling sick all the time and it was like being stuck in a loop. Thank god for Isla being there for me. Without any questions she discarded the tests and brought me breakfast. I could see she was very affected by everything too and it was nice knowing I had somebody that cares about be by my side.

Damiano noticed my bad mood, but I decided not to tell him about this whole situation. I hid behind my sickness, that surprisingly was a little less bad today. We gathered all our stuff and got back into the bus. There was a long road ahead and the thought of all five of us in a small space made me feel claustrophobic. All I wanted was to talk to Saf about everything. I knew this state of mind was temporary, I knew it will pass, but right now I even thought about going back to Italy at least for a little bit. No, I cannot run away. It's what I always did in the past and running away from your problems and emotions only makes matters worse, I learned that the hard way.