Less talking | Maneskin |

Catching up

I gave in and spent a couple more days at the house. It was hard to prepare myself to leave even though it was my idea. I used that time to catch up with Vic and Thomas. I felt like getting in a relationship with Damiano made me neglect our friendship. Come to think of it, Vic is the one I have to thank for getting me out of my comfort zone, for being able to stay in Italy, to see many new places here and have extraordinary experiences. If it wasn't for her crazy careless way of being, I would probably be back at my parents' house now. 

She took me out to the mall and we had a wonderful girls time. There's something exciting in acting out those stereotypical teenage movie scenes in real life. We picked out a lot of crazy outfits and modeled them for each other, playing different characters, based on the garments. I would probably get kicked out if I was doing this with Saf, but having a celebrity by my side, even if I didn't feel like I did, made the rules disappear. We were invincible when we were together and I loved that feeling. I needed to feel liberated and Vic was the perfect partner in crime. On the way back to the house we stopped at a vintage shop. I let her style me and found out I liked the boho look on me. 

Of course the day wasn't completely careless, as we had to avoid public attention. We ran into a few fans, but they were really nice, respecting my privacy. I thought that was all we would get, but it turned out I was very wrong. I don't know if it was because someone noticed Damiano's weird behavior or because of that damn article about his marriage being stronger than ever, but it looked like every single member of the band was chased by paparazzi, trying to catch something provocative. Of course, since there already were some people believing that Damiano has a new woman, a.k.a. me, it was exceptionally risky for Vic to go out with me. She was able to spot a flashlight as we exited the vintage shop and it was just in time for me to look away. We felt a little trapped as the man with a huge camera started crossing the street, running our way. The car we called for, was nowhere in sight and I panicked, not knowing what to do.
— Put your hood and scarf on, - she rushed me, shielding me from him with her body. I immediately followed the orders, struggling to fish my newly bought scarf out of the bag. I looked ridiculous, but it did the job, making me hard to recognise.

Thomas was acting a little strange again, making me question if lack of communication between us made me forget the way he used to be or if something was wrong. I almost felt like he was avoiding being left alone with me. Unfortunately for him, everyone was quite busy, so he had to accept my offer to catch up. We went to the basement and he offered to make me a drink. I was happy to accept it, hoping it would help us both loosen up a bit. We ade ourselves comfortable in the lounge chairs and I took a sip of the cocktail. It made me sad to realise it was our second time having a one-on-one conversation.
— So, what's new in your life? How are the things with that girl you told me about? - I broke the silence.
— Well, you didn't miss much, because we were all pretty occupied trying to make sure certain someone wouldn't ruin the performances, but I'm sure you don't want us to touch that subject, so I'm not going to start on that, - he smiled his genuine, contagious smile, although I saw uncertainty in his eyes.
— Don't worry, it doesn't trigger me, but yeah, it would be nice to leave that whole thing in the past, - I smiled back reassuringly.
— About that girl... We stopped seeing each other.
— Oh, I'm sorry...
— No, it's okay. As you know I was suspecting she only wanted clout for me and that turned out to be true. I was more surprised at my own reaction to it if I'm being honest, - he chuckled, spinning a glass in his hand.
— What was it? 
— I'm proud of the test I put up for her, so I'm going to tell you, - he leaned forward, visibly excited, - So, we went out and at some point during the evening I mentioned Damiano was looking for a plus one to an art exhibition next Friday. I saw how she got more attentive after me mentioning that, so I jokingly asked if she would like to go with him and she said no, even though I saw her eyes light up after that suggestion. Then a few days passed and I asked her on a date the same time on Friday and she agreed. Thursday evening I texted her from Damiano's Instagram, saying something along the lines of "Hey, Thomas mentioned you're really fun to hang out with, would you like to go to an art exhibition with me this Friday?"  I think you can easily guess what her response was, - he laughed.
— Did she agree just that easy? - I asked, lifting my eyebrows in disbelief.
— Yeah, but she added a lot of made up details about how we were kind of dating but she saw there was no future, so she feels bad for accepting the invite before having "the talk" with me.
— Oh my God... - I facepalmed in cringe.
— She then texted me, cancelling our plans, saying she had to go visit her parents or something, - he chuckled, - I facetimed her and ended everything right away.
— I'm sorry, Thomas... - despite his positive attitude, I felt bad for asking about this.
— I'm fine, really. Don't worry. I went to Verona to take care of some things and kind of met someone new... - he said the last part almost whispering and immediately took a sip of the drink.
— Ooooh! - I was excited to hear that, - Tell me more!
— It's too early to talk about it, we only saw each other once, but we had a really good time together and I hope to see her again, - he blushed.
— Alright, I won't push you, but promise to tell me first when you're ready! - I winked at him.
— Of course I will - he nodded with an unreadable expression on his face. I was once again surprised how easy it was to talk to him. We ended up jamming in their studio and I even was brave enough to sing in front of him, which I usually avoided doing at all cost. I felt a little better after dedicating my time to him and Victoria. 

Damiano got back on his feet and finally looked fully himself again. He took giving me space very seriously, to the point where I started feeling like I had to chase him around the house to spend some time together. Well, I wanted to focus on everyone else given I only had two days until my flight back to Rome, but his whole nature was just... intoxicating. I cannot explain the sensation being in his pressence gives you. Even knowing he's walking somewhere in the same house, makes you want to follow his addictive scent to wherever he was and just disappear into him. Seeing him smoke, leaning against the wall outside was so familiar, yet so intriguing. And when he lifted his dark eyes to meet mine through his bushy eyebrows, shooting a casual devilish smile, it made my legs feel weak in an instant. At moments like this I knew staying away for some time was definitely a good call. I didn't want to rush things between us for the sake of us both, but staying away from this man was simply impossible.

Ethan drove me to the airport. Others wanted to come too, but when I reminded them how much I hated those sad airport goodbyes, they agreed to stay home. I ran my finger accross my lower lip, reminiscing the feeling of Damiano's goodbye kiss. Ethan was very focused on the road, even though the traffic wasn't that bad. I said goodbye to him to and asked that he just went away after that. It was really hard to leave him too, because of our close connection, so I didn't want to see him watching me go. 

I took a deep breath once I was in my seat. I replayed everything that happened here again in my head and got ready for a new, fresh beginning. I had a list of new goals in mind that made me feel motivated and this time leaving Milano I was actually happy and excited. I was excited to start the journey to finding myself.