Mean Streak (BoyxBoy Werewolf Story)

Chapter 31: Tainted Love

Beck

I'm so confused.

So many emotions to contend with after the secret crush revelation.

Honestly, I didn't mean to out Jalensky but once the realization clicked inside my mind, I couldn't hold my tongue. I was just too gobsmacked to stop myself from telling the truth.

It was staring everybody right in the face. Come on, who is the only person he could never be mated to? Probably for the same reason I can't be mated to him either.

Now our relationship seems icky to me, tainted. It's not that I stopped liking him, but now every time I look at him, Jalensky's image comes to mind.

It's not that I judge Jude for hooking up with him, I really don't. If anything, I'd be surprised if a hot blonde like him were still a virgin.

If he was just an ex-boyfriend, I could deal with it. But this situation between them seems so unfinished.

One minute Jalensky is begging a girl to go with him to the homecoming dance, then another he's trying to make me jealous by claiming they kissed just the other day.

I mean, what is it that you want because I don't think their situation is gonna remain the same. For one, there'll be no more sleepovers at the Atwood's residence.

I know I shouldn't care about Jalensky and focus on my boyfriend. I also know that if I play into his hand, he much rather have Jude all to himself. I'm not stupid, I know his game.

Trust me, I've seen my fair share of closeted jocks in my day. But unlike Jude, I was never interested in a secret relationship or a closeted affair.

Again, I'm not judging him, I promise. I also understand how lonely it can get for people like us. The out queers in a small community such as this one.

You'd think things would be better for werewolves, but it doesn't work that way. Though it was better for me back in the reservation, no question about it.

Anyway, now I'm lost. I said I wanted to be Jude's boyfriend and I do, but every time he tries to kiss me I dodge him like he was a pervert.

When it happened the first time, he understood. The second time, he frowned. Now it's getting to the point of...

"What's going on? Do you regret agreeing to be my boyfriend? Don't you find me attractive anymore?" - He backed me into a wall in the afternoon just before the last class of Wednesday.

"It's not that, I promise. It's just..." - I trailed off, afraid to speak my mind. On the other hand, I see no choice for me here.

Jude kept on staring at me, waiting for my answer.

"Every time I look at you, I picture you two together. I'm sorry, it's gonna take some time for me to get back to where we were." - I admitted, painstakingly.

Jude looked down for a second and took a big breath before saying anything back to me.

"I promise you. I have nothing going on with him anymore." - He reiterated, feeling bad for the situation.

"I believe you. But I still need some time. Is that okay? I understand you have no time to waste with your birthday coming soon, but I can't will myself to feel good about us now." - I spoke in a sincere tone.

Jude felt bad for me, released a deep sigh and said:

"It's fine, Beck. I don't mind waiting for you. But I still hope to take you to the dance." - He spoke, sorrowful.

I could feel the break in his voice, the emotional tone. He's dreading this whole conversation. I know he wants me, I can even smell it. But I can't look at him in the same way that I did before. Not right now anyway.