chapter 38

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This break down was going to be EPIC

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This break down was going to be EPIC.

Two more long sips of the bitter drink and he sat the bottle on the floor between his feet with a hard thud.

He dropped his head in his hands and rocked himself as he tried to control his emotions.

Tae had always fought the judgements of others because he was different.  He felt things too strongly, his emotions often overwhelmed him, his instincts guided him and were never wrong.

Except they were dead wrong when it came to giving his heart away.

His fingers laced in his hair, tugging and pulling till the pain pricked his eyes to tears.  It was a habit he picked up when he was small.  He was just checking to make sure he was still capable of feeling anything at all.

He ached all over, his body and his heart felt pummeled but he gave neither any relief as he drank the whisky and cursed himself.

He sat with his arms on his knees slumped forward, hunching his shoulders, trying to make his large body as small as he felt inside.

His mind wandered to that first day he saw Sky in the courtyard and the visceral connection he felt to her. 

He recalled every word, her touch, that kiss.  He remembered how stunned he felt.  He remembered the sensations of tumblers turning to open a new door to feelings he didn’t even dream about.

He cursed himself long and hard.

He sounded as stupid and crazy as people had always accused him of being.  None of that could have been real!  What was he thinking?

But as soon as those thoughts crossed his mind he knew. He was not stupid OR crazy.  Something about Sky fit him, was meant for him.  He knew that deep in the part of him he never questioned.

But….she was married.  Removed from him, forbidden.

The darkest part of him taunted him. She was not forbidden, not untouchable.  He could smell her sweet scent, could hear her soft sighs as he kissed his way down her body.  

His body betrayed him as he thought of her mouth beneath his, the soft swell of her breast under his hands and the way she sought his heat and hardness. He saw her face as she smiled at him, felt her fingers caressing him.  He heard her quiet voice asking for his help, saw her turning to him for comfort, seeking his shelter.

The thought bloomed for the briefest time that maybe it did not matter if she was married.  The man was old and frail.  He thought of a dozen excuses why it might be ok. 

But then the memory of Caro on her knees in the gallery that day slammed into him.  His stomach lurched and his hands grew clammy. 

He could feel those exact emotions of betrayal and hurt like it just happened.  He would not be the cause of another's heartache.  He refused to break that man in that way.  And damn it! He refused to degrade himself in that way.

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