Till The End | h.p

support

Despite the support Sam received last night, she still wakes up feeling impeccably low. As she lays in her bed, she lets her thoughts consume her. Sunlight streams through the window and onto the wood floors. Hermione, being quite the early riser, is already up and moving around their room. Sam tries to divert her thoughts towards better, happier things, but her heart feels like it's falling into oblivion.

"Sam, wake up. We have things we need to do," Hermione orders.

She doesn't respond, not from lack of trying, however, she just has no words. Hermione tilts her head as she approaches the edge of Sam's bed slowly. While Hermione stares at her intently, Sam's eyes are glued to the floor. Hermione holds out one hand and Sam knows what she's asking for, but she shakes her head in response.

"It'll pass," Sam reluctantly admits, "I don't want anyone else to know."

Hermione stares at her in complete confusion, "But why? They can help."

Again, Sam shakes her head, "Don't you understand how embarrassing this is?" Hermione lowers her eyes as Sam continues, "I can't control any of this which leaves me incredibly vulnerable, in front of everyone I love. You all think that I'm this strong and powerful witch, but look at me. I'm losing myself and I don't belong with you anymore. I don't want help because I don't want everyone to see me the way that I see me."

Hermione feels stunned, "Help me understand," she holds out her hand one more time.

Sam closes her eyes and lets out a faint sigh before placing the top of her hand into Hermione's palm. Hermione lifts her hand and places it onto her own cheek so that Sam can show her what it feels like. Sam breathes in deep before pushing her emotions through her hand and into Hermione. She opens her eyes to watch her emotions flood through Hermione's eyes and it's painful to observe. Hermione's nose scrunches up and her eyes glisten with oncoming tears. Sam lifts her hand away from Hermione and drops it back at her side. A minute passes by as Hermione processes all that she felt.

"And you still feel it?" Hermione asks incredulously.

Sam slowly nods her head without making eye contact. Pain floods into Hermione's heart as she stares at her best friend. No matter how many books, or articles, she reads, she will never be able to understand how she can cope with the seemingly endless emotions that sneak up on her at all hours.

"Can you tell me more- more about it?" Hermione stutters out.

Sam bites her lower lip as she contemplates what she should divulge, "Sometimes I can't help but give into the emotions and... they sort of become me, like I'm emotions wrapped in human skin. No logic, no common sense, no knowledge, or wisdom, or understanding, just feelings. Other times, I can look at them logically and realize that they're irrational, but I still feel it, which makes me feel like I'm split into two different people. I'm no longer Sam, I'm sharing my body, my consciousness with this thing. I don't know which is worse, becoming it without realizing, or understanding without control."

Hermione feels her heart clench, the pain of watching her best friend suffer becomes physical. She struggles with the knowledge that there really isn't much that she can do to stop it.

"I hear voices, Hermione. They tell me..." Sam feels a familiar stinging in her eyes as a singular tear slips out, "They tell me horrible things," her voice cracks.

Sam can see the heartache in her eyes as she asks, "Can you hear them now?"

Sam doesn't need to say anything for Hermione to know the truth, but she nods nonetheless.

In a moment of pure frustration and anger at the problems Sam has to face, Hermione blurts out, "I love you. You're my best friend and I don't care what battles lie ahead for you. I'll face every single one with you. There is nothing and no one, not even you, that can convince me that you're not strong. You've shown me what you deal with. I've felt it and I know that only a strong person could get up and out of this bed to face the day with that kind of torment. So prove yourself wrong," Hermione stands up and holds out her hand once more, "Get up."

Sam stares at her as her own pain eats away at her heart. She knows that Hermione is right, but whatever lives inside her doesn't want her to keep fighting. If Sam is going to find who she really is, she has to fight. She uses every ounce of strength and determination she has to grab Hermione's hand and hoist herself up. As she stands, a small weight is lifted, not enough to make her feel better, but enough to know that she accomplished something. She looks into her best friend's eyes and nods slightly.