Walk Through Fire

Save You

I know the season is over and we done with the grief episodes, but I wanted to complete most of the stories I haven't been able to complete. This was Spencer's POV. Since we seen how his grief episode played out I really didn't go too deep into this story but highlighted. ❤️

Guilt, shame, depression, abandonment, and loss. Loss in reality. Loss within myself. One day you're dreaming big dreams as a child. You're dreaming of that bond between a son and father. But then reality hits you that you weren't enough for your father until his last breath. Somehow, a hero will lurk in the corner, taking a chance on a kid with anger issues who loves to live it out on the field—seeing your pride and love for the game. The chemistry and bond come with ease for the two. The bond between a coach and his player. A Coach who's always been more than a coach.

Becoming your best friend, Coach, therapist, mentor, everything you've been looking for in a role model. In a father. A father. Leaving things unsaid and relying on time. Time, time can be a real bitch. In all honesty, time waits for no one. Clockwork, time speeds up, and everything changes in a simple blink and voice. Anger settles down inside. Denial has a strong gravitational pull on your heart and mind. Your eyes are zoning in on everything in the middle of your warpath. Mass destruction of grief is a sign no one ever warns about. Time, please allow me a chance to redo it, and I promise I won't leave a thing unsaid.

I'm tired of the toxins filling my body. Sick of being trapped inside the body of a human I barely recognize. Give me clarity. Coach! Coach! Please save me from my mass destruction! Please save me from me!

You and Me, we got time.

I love you, Spencer James. You are my All-American.

Coach, can you hear me?

One more rep Spence. Just one more. I've been sticking to working out lately, mainly after hours when no one is around. Hell, I doubt Kenny would even let me step into the gym. AD Barnes included. Hopefully, a team will pick me up once I fully enter the transfer portal.

"I knew I would find you here."

I look up from lifting, seeing J in front of me. Why is he here? I don't know. Do I want him here? Not at all.

"What is it, J? I'm in the middle of something."

"So you weren't going to tell me that you were transferring? You let me sit in front of Barnes and look like a dumbass?! Spence, what was that man?"

"Why you worried about it?"

"A few months ago, you were all in on saving GAU's football program. Now you're just done? You didn't even want my dad to come back to be our coach. You fought against him accepting the job. Now you're walking away."

The mention of Coach has been very triggering for me. I kept pumping iron as Jordan talked, but soon as Coach was mentioned, I froze. My mind travels back to that day—the last conversation. I was standing before Liv's door, declining his call, and turning off my phone. Listening to that voicemail and learning, he's not coming home. He's not coming back. Ever.

"Spence...man, I know a lot is weighing on you, on all of us. My dad meant a lot to me; he meant a lot to you too. If you think running away will bring him back, it's not. I would run away, too, if I knew it would."

"Ain't nobody running aight. I don't need another mentor, friend, or father figure. We need a damn coach who can get us to the NFL. Kenny ain't that guy."

"You thought he was the better choice over my dad. My dad stuck his neck out for Kenny because You Believed In Him! So Now It's Forget Kenny? GAU? That's where things have come to?"