Choose Me- the second novel

Chapter 25 - how does love work ?

***Ross' POV***

I'm not sure how I'm quickly becoming the bad guy in this whole situation. Most of the things I hope for aren't happening for me.

It's so problematic the whole thing, I love her and she has feelings for me I know it. But she is also with my friend. And they are together undeniably. And I want her. And it's so tragically pathetic.

I've tried to just get over it but it doesn't work. Jen said she could help me forget it, and I instantly thought that's such a stupid idea. She kept coming onto me, all the time and relentlessly actually. And the more I drunk the more it seemed like an okay idea. It's like all I could think about was Tay and the fact that I wanted her so fucking much. And she was hurting about Matty of all people, and I couldn't just storm in because if I was going to get her I wasn't going to capitalise on her pain in the process.

And then after all of that; wanting her, trying to show her that I cared, not playing her and not deceiving her. Giving her time to heal from him. And then without even a word to me she's back with him. Chance gone. How does love work? I just don't understand it.

Tonight, I knew would be difficult but I didn't quite anticipate that she would look that crazy hot. I've never seen any woman look that good and she outshone everybody, and seeing Matty being her man. Doing all the things I want to do to her. How is it he gets this opportunity? And not me?
I literally have to be the stand in for when he is not around. When he finally leaves her alone I grab a chance to just hug her. Still it's never ever enough, maybe I need to admit that she doesn't see me in that way at all?

I didn't leave with Jen. Fucking Jay. He's into Tay, but he's fucking Rach. I suppose I can't judge him. I have been there. I'm not like that usually. I would just wait to find another girl that I actually like, that I get on with. He's also a complete self centred prick as well. I don't think I am?
I'm sitting in bed with a joint because otherwise I will not sleep.

I did speak to Jen as a friend earlier. I can't be a cold bastard, and ignore her. She was upset but she brings it all on herself, Brad is seeing somebody new. To be honest I thought he would see Rach. It's not her though and I don't know who the girl is. Jen did get with me several times whilst she was with Brad. Like I say brought it on herself. She came onto me at the bar, leaning into me and whispering to me asking me to take her home. But I am done with all of that, I don't feel anything for her I'm not attracted to her and it's just wrong. I wasn't about to snub her in front of everybody though. I took her outside and told her no.

I brought this whole shit on myself too. I could have just told Tay ages ago about Matty at my house, and then maybe she wouldn't have gone through all of this. Maybe we would be together right now, her laying in my arms and me kissing her in bed.

I text Tay. Fuck it. I'm high.
Jay really fucked the last chance I had on getting her and changing my circumstances. He loves it, fucking up everyone else around him. I'm just so happy that she sees through him, I can tell she dislikes him just as much as I do. Rach however has a tendency to fall for the ones that are out to hurt her.

Message sent. And I wait.
She texts me back and I expect her to snub me.
So we're meeting Sunday. I can't stop myself from smiling. I know we're just friends. But that's the point isn't it? She's willing to be my friend. To keep me in her life. I just want to talk to her, be there for her. And to start proving myself.