Choose Me- the second novel

Chapter 42 - i just act upon them

***Taylors POV***

It is weird going to uni without Ross. I almost feel worried about class, I know that's silly but he's usually always there, with me.

Matty deliberately has taken us to uni so that we arrive just in time rather than early presumably  because he didn't want me sitting around thinking about anything and getting upset. I've got dance after psychology so I'm going to walk there alone without Ross and then go the the gym finally.

Before I leave Matty embraces me and kisses me passionately. He's going to meet me outside dance later. I walk towards class alone, It's snowing still. Today I've got my black leotard on and a cropped maroon jumper and skirt. I briefly think about taking Ross to the gym once he's feeling lots better. It might just help him with his mobility.

I clock Jay waiting outside the lecture hall. He's watching me. I didn't think he would actually meet me. I thought that he would forget. He's got Rach with him, she is smiling at him about something and he is just watching me walk. Odd. I don't get him and never will.

I go up to them.
"Hey" I say. I smile at Rach then I head towards the door.

"Hey Tay, you okay?" Rach asks.
No I think. Ross is not here and you are and I can barely sit in a car, passenger or not, without feeling like I can't breathe.

"Fine. Talk later hun" I say.
Jay walks in after kissing her. I notice. For a prolonged amount of time I must add, tongues and everything. He stays close to me and I can feel his his body heat behind me. We go to our seats and I let him sit down first.
"I'll just print two of everything or I'll email him my notes" I say more for myself than for Jay.

I glance over at him and he smiles at me nicely. I smile back and turn away from him. He's wearing a simple grey jumper which brings out the grey/blue of his eyes and jeans. He leans back in his seat, he's the epitome of chilled. I pull off my cropped jumper and relax. Or I try to relax, so much but my hand is literally shaking.

"Are you sure you're okay" Jay asks softly in my ear. His voice sounds different, nice even. He places his hand on my shaking one. And for once I don't flinch away from him.

"I'm fine" I whisper back.

"Sure we can step out for a minute if you want" he says in my ear.

"The lecturers know about it all" he reminds me.

I nod. Not sure that I can speak at the moment.

Once outside I lean against the wall and just breathe. I just focus on that one thing, breathing. Not Ross laying in the road. Not the way his lips were blue and cold. I focus on the way his chest was rising and falling making me feel reassured and okay. His heart beat under my hand. The way he smiled in the hospital bed, very much alive and well. This could have been a disaster I tell myself but instead I made sure he was okay.

I glance up at Jay who is looking at me alarmed.
"It's okay, I'm all good" I tell him chuckling.

"What's going on Taylor?" He asks softly.
"I thought you were going to faint or some shit" he says clearly stressed out.

"I just keep having some minor flashbacks that's all. Of Ross I mean" I say.
"But once he's better that will go and I will be fine" I say decidedly.