Choose Me- the second novel

Chapter 37- You're better than the morphine

I wake up in Matty's chest his arm around me tightly. I realise we're still at the hospital in the waiting room. I eye the clock on the wall stretching out and realising that it's half 12 at night.

"Any news" I ask Matty.

"He's stable babe" he tells me a small smile on his lips.

"Jay came earlier. I texted him I didn't know what else to do. I didn't wanna wake you up. And Jay has been keeping an eye on the situation." He clarifies.

"You could have woken me" I tell him then realise that I sound critical.

"Babe you were in shock and you were tired." He says.

"No you're right. You did the right thing" I tell him.

"So stable is good right?" I say to him.

"Yeah so he hasn't woken up yet. Breathing is normal and pulse is good." He says.
"I called his mum to let her know. Now we just need to wait for him to wake up however he is on morphine. Because of his injuries they operated on his thigh. But after some rehabilitation he should be all good" he adds.

"A couple stitches to his head, and a few over his ribs. But the main problem was a laceration to his thigh" he tells me.

"Wanna go and see him?" He asks.

I nod. And he helps me up. Keeping me steady. He's bought me a lucozade and instructs me to drink it.
We walk down countless white corridors. I just want to see him, and for him not to look pale, and for his lips not to be blue like they were when I found him. I start to cry, Matty pulls me into him as we walk.

It suddenly hits me again, the whole thing just punches me in the face. Ross could have died, Ross could have died because of me. I thought he was dead, and I didn't have a clue what to do. Until I found his heartbeat in his chest I thought he was gone.

His white complexion, the blood on the snow. It's keeps flashing before my eyes. The pain and not knowing what to do, feeling inadequate to help him. Feeling desperate to save him.

We enter a small closed off hospital room. I see Ross first, with a drip connected into his arm. Probably for the morphine I tell myself. His hair has been pulled back. His skin looks so much better, it's not pale and his lips are no longer blue. I breathe out. And I cry again. Walking over to him.

I brush the side of his face with my hand. And I kiss his cheek. Before I can even stop myself. Nobody says a thing.
I realise Jay is on the other side of the bed. He looks concerned. Not his usual smug self.

"Taylor.." he begins.

"No don't talk please just stay quiet for once" I tell him.

He shut ups and I sit down on the other chair next to the bed. I rest my head in my hands and sob.
Matty comes over and sits next to me.

We stay quiet for at least an hour and that gives me time to calm down enough to stop crying. I grab the tissues and wipe my eyes. I go into the en-suite bathroom. Both Jay and Matty watch me as if I'm going to bolt. They both go on high alert. I almost laugh out loud it's like I cannot control any of my emotions. I run the cold water tap and splash my face, my neck and my arms. My mum used to tell me that when you are all cried out and you just want the tears to stop to splash your face with cold water. I never got what she was going on about. But I do exactly that and I tell myself I will not cry.

I take a paper towel and dry. I then head to my bag and have a chewing gum. So that I can focus on chewing something other than my lip. I do that when I'm nervous.

"Sorry for snapping at you Jay" I say not looking at him.
"Totally understandable" he says to me.

Matty stands up next to me. He strokes my back. I face him and I kiss him on his lips.

"You know the nurse said if we talk to him he'll wake up quicker" Matty comments.

"But not you Jay" he laughs
"He realises you're here and he'll want to stay unconscious" he quips.

I laugh out loud. And jump a little at the same time. Matty smiles at me reassuringly. He noticed that I jumped and he strokes my back to keep me calm. I'm still in fucking shock, why can't I just be myself again. I yearn to be in control Taylor who knows what to do and say. Not this version of me who is crying her eyes out every two seconds.

Jay laughs and turns the small tv on, he puts it on low and turns it onto some gameshow. Not what I'd imagined he would pick.

I go over to Ross. I stroke his hair and his face again hoping that I might stir him. Matty sits back down near me reassured that I'm okay.
Jay and Matty talk quietly I don't listen into them. I catch words here and there.

I focus on Ross. I talk a little. Just generally about silly shit, and university and the hot waitress in the coffee shop. Jays ears prick of course and I scowl at him.

"You wouldn't be her type" I tell him.

I refocus on Ross. I'm talking to him and I can see his eyes moving under his eyelids. I hold one of his hands and I continue to stroke his face and his hair. I'm so close to waking him I can sense it.

"Smoke Matty?" Jay asks indicating he's going down.

"Nah man" Matty says.

"Matty, it's okay" I turn to him. I hug him tightly and kiss his lips.
"I'll be fine" I whisper.

He smiles and tells me he'll be right back. He runs his hands over my back and around my waist. And over my tummy. I guess he's just glad that I'm more like myself I'm guessing. Plus I haven't really touched him for hours, I miss him. I kiss him again.

"I'll be right back too, Tay" Jay laughs rolling his eyes.
I can't help but to laugh at him.

Once they're gone I turn to Ross.
I continue talking to him, trying to be funny and telling him stupid jokes. I'm watching his face, can he hear me ? I think he can or I'd like to think that he can.
Suddenly he coughs I jump and my heart plummets I panic and nearly hit the emergency button for the nurse. But he chuckles. He tries to raise his arms but he can't and I tell him to just stay still.

"Your jokes are awful" he manages coughing at the same time.
"I know" I laugh.

I stroke his face and squeeze his hand. I start explaining the events in order from when I left him in the car park.
"I never should have left you, It's my fault and I'm sorry. I came to find you and I thought..." I tell him.

"Shh not your fault babe" he says.
Typical Ross to be the one reassuring me when he's in a hospital bed.
I don't know what makes me do it but I lean down and kiss his lips lightly. He closes his eyes briefly and opens his mouth just slightly. I can't help it I want to kiss him so much, I thought I had lost him forever.

Once I pull away he reopens his eyes.
"You're better than the morphine" he laughs.