Choose Me- the second novel

Chapter 87-double standard

The next day I have dance rehearsals all day. I work hard, my solo is fantastic and I get to see my costume. It's a black deep v leotard with straps and a tutu with dark sequins. It's gorgeous and I can't wait to dance in it. I will be graded on my performance. My burlesque costume is maroon, it's a touch revealing but still classy. I equally love it. I decide on inviting Kim for hair and makeup, I text her to see if she can make it. I hope she can.

At lunch I eat well, and relax with Matty and the others.

"When's the show Tay?" Rhea asks. She's been busy with assignments and Malachi. Her hairs longer and she looks great in her heeled boots and jeans.

"It's in two weeks" I say. I sigh wondering how I'm going to even be awake at that time. Since being pregnant I've been asleep by 9pm every night.

"Okay we will be there." She says smiling.

"Yeah Tay we will be too" Rach says meaning her and Brad.

I look up and Jay just smiles at me. I look away again butterflies making me feel nervous around him. I had some spotting this morning and I googled it and the internet said light spotting is okay but to monitor it. Which I am doing. I haven't actually told Matty yet because I don't wish to worry him unnecessarily. I checked after dance and haven't seen anything since. Should I see anymore I will let him know. He will react immediately and drag me down to the clinic.

I finish my pasta.
"Thanks guys that will be nice" I say.
We've got a while till next period but I decide I'm going to head to dance early.

I give Matty a kiss and then leave. He pulls me into him and then says he'll see me at the car later. I laugh and then I'm on my way. He's leaving by 3pm for the exhibit.

I head off to dance walking slowly. I want to walk and stretch my legs. I walk around the quiet way through the field at the back of university.
"I'm beginning to think we only get to see each other when one of us walks off." He laughs.

I jump. And then turn around.
"Hey" I say.

"Hey" he says softly.

I walk over to him and hug him. I feel emotional and I just want to be close. To my surprise he wraps his arms around me.
"Why did you leave early" Jay says. He looks down at me smiling.

"Couldn't eat anymore and I just wanted a walk" I tell him.
I step back and he frowns.

"I'll be at the dance show" he smiles.
"It's like I don't know how much I can say to you whilst everybody else is around" he says after a pause.

"You don't have to say anything, Jay" I tell him.

"What you don't want me to say things ? Things like I've missed you all night long, like you look absolutely beautiful, like how is it I think about you all the time." He whispers.

"Yeah those things you really shouldn't say" I tell him

"Why" he says brushing my cheek.

I take his hand and start walking with him. Walking away from everybody else. If I just stand there with him he might kiss me.
"Because you should not be feeling that way about me at all" I say.
I glance up at him quickly and away again. He's actually listening to me for once.

"I do Taylor, I can't just switch off from it, believe me I've tried that" he says.
"I'm so angry with myself for it, I know you're taken but I want you" he says.

There's nothing for me to say about it. I can't make this better, I just have to deal with it. But at this present time I don't have the capacity for that. I hug him resting my head in his chest. He feels and smells so nice, Before I get myself into more trouble I kiss his cheek and pull away. I glance at him and he's shocked.