Choose Me- the second novel

Chapter 69- jamming

I head back into the party and sit down next to Matty.
"I found a guitar" I tell him.

He smiles at me.
"Awesome, can you serenade me" he laughs.

"Of course" I tell him.
"What do you want to hear" I ask.

"Anything" he says.

I start strumming away, I focus on getting used to the guitar first. Before singing along. I love it, it has a nice tone. I play a few acoustic solos and then I go in for the first song. Ryan recognises it and turns his music right down. He smiles at me. He's going to sing along, I let him start it off. I smile at him as he starts singing don't look back in anger by oasis. Who knew he could sing?

When it comes to the chorus I sing along with him, in my own way. I'm not a huge oasis fan but I can change this song and make it my own.
We sing the next verse together. Jay and Jane are back in the room, but I'm busy singing now and I don't care. A few of the other guys join in on the next chorus and I continue. I even pull off the little guitar solo in the middle of the song I tap on the side of the guitar to count me back in like the drum beat would and I sing the chorus again. I like singing, I forget about them all.

As I finish, I smile. I continue playing acoustic guitar. Stiffy strolls in hearing me and he's got another acoustic guitar under his arm. He sits on the floor next to me.
"What's next" he asks.

I smile at him and start playing my own acoustic version of This love by Maroon Five. Maybe a bit modern for him but I just want to sing it. I'm in a flow.
I sing the first verse whilst playing the chords I've remembered for sometime now. I really didn't mean to take over actually and in fact I'm ignoring everybody now. Apart from Stiffy who is accompanying me.
Everybody sings along on the chorus and I smile and let them take over.

After that one everybody looks at us for more songs. I glance down at Stiffy he smiles and starts playing Come As You Are by Nirvana. I love this one. I know it well of course. I let him sing for a little bit his voice is suited to Kurt Cobain's vocals. I can't help but to sing the backing vocals for him.

He smiles up at me and says "your go".

I briefly look at Matty. I start playing Paul Weller's You Do Something To Me. Matty rests his head back, I know he loves my version of this song. Not everybody knows this one. Stiffy plays it well on the guitar and I sing it alone. When I finish everybody is silent, I'm not used to that. I've sung a fair bit to people in shows and stuff and everybody claps and makes noise after. Silence however I haven't had.
"Wow" Ryan says.
"Sing that one in your show" Rach says sitting on Brad. She smiles at me and I'm thankful for her being in my life and that we made it through our dramas and that we're still friends.

"Noted" I say and Matty rubs my thigh.

"Any requests" Stiffy asks.

"Light years, Pearl Jam" Ross asks. I smile over at him. Not an obvious choice. One of my favourite Pearl jam songs. However I definitely let Stiffy play the lead guitar on this one. I sing for him and play the backing guitar.

Once we've finished that one. It runs into Reuben's Nobody Loves You, for me. That's just the kind of mood I'm in, I love that song and it works.
"Yea" Stiffy says nodding at me. Clearly pleased.

I smile and start singing. He knows the whole of it and I'm surprised. I'm sure a lot of people don't recognise it and it's a moment for me.
After that one we stop.
I stare down at the guitar for a bit.

"Hey ugh would you like to play with me at my gig" I ask casually expecting a no.

"Fuck yes" he says.

"Awesome" I say, feeling much better about myself and the show. I don't feel so nervous having him there.
"We need to record that song next week and then maybe after that we can work on a set list?" I say.

"Perfect, I actually know a drummer who is excellent if you like?" He asks.

"Perfect. Sounds great to me" I say smiling.

"Hey do you know any Biffy?" he asks.
Matty smiles. It's the first cover I ever played him.

I pick up the guitar and start playing Mountains.

Of course everybody knows that one and sings along with us. After that I play Machines and sing that one alone. Stiffy plays guitar exceptionally well. At the same time though he's not a show off. I put the guitar down after that and go and get another mock-tail.

I mix up some juice. I'm making mine really tropical, for some reason that's what I want right now. I grab Ross a non alcoholic beer and one for Matty too. Jay's words sift around my head, two boyfriends, the Taylor boyfriend club or whatever shit he was going on about.

He clears his throat in the kitchen.
"Im not coming anywhere near you don't worry, I'm just saying sorry" he says.
Emotional rollercoaster that I am tonight I feel like hugging him. I don't, I will not go anywhere near him.
"Jay it's fine, I thought we were at least friends on a basic level but I understand that's not possible. You clearly think badly of me and that's fine" I say.

I stay over on my side of the kitchen and he remains by the door. The door we made out by last time we were here together. I turn around and face him.
"Is that it?" I ask him. Feeling confident.

"No I'm not coming across at all in the way I had hoped. I tried time and time again to get a different outcome. And nothing worked. And yes I'm an absolute dickhead. I shouldn't say half of the things that come out of my mouth, and all of the things I think in my head I should actually say because they are actually how I feel." He pushes his hair looking down to the floor.  He sits on the chair furthest away from me.

"I don't even know anymore okay, I'm just sorry and that's it. I was trying to be your friend but I also wanted to be more than your friend. And because I couldn't get that to work I couldn't be your friend at the same time" he says and he's getting jumbled up.

We're silent for a little bit.

"Do you like Jane?" I ask him.

"Honestly Tay, I don't like anyone" he laughs
"Since I met you especially" he says.

I look down.
"See like I try and say how I feel and that's wrong, how can this ever work for people? Being friends with the person they love" he says and then instantly looks away from me.

"Jay don't say that" I tell him.
"Once you say that it's done" I say.

"I mean it Tay. I should have acted different throughout. And it's too late now I get it" he says.

"I really did not mean to chuck it in your face earlier. I'm just a stupid dickhead. You're the most caring person I have ever met, the way you looked after Ross is just one example. It's just when I feel hurt or pushed out that's what I do" he says.

"I know I didn't mean to push you" I laugh.
He chuckles.

"We good then?" He says.

"Yes" I say and smile.

He doesn't try anything on with me and I do appreciate that immensely. I walk out of the kitchen. Matty eyes me when I sit down, not in a suspicious way just curious and I get that. I whisper in his ear that I just needed to clear the air with Jay and talk. He understands. He almost rubs my tummy, but he styles it out and moves his arm around my shoulders. I smile at him.