Choose Me- the second novel

Chapter 33- Do friends want their friends this much?

***Ross' POV***

I get the feeling she wanted to pull me out of the equation. I get that. If I was in love with two people, I never have been but I can see why she would want that. It would make it easier for her to just decide. I'm not just going down without a fight though, or without trying.

And I won't just replace her, I'm not like that.
I've got to keep our relationship going, in whatever form it takes. I've got to keep myself in her life. And it is paramount that I keep a good balance between showing her my feelings through my actions and that I can be a dependable friend. That's natural for me. I will always be her friend.

"Ross what have you written down for the first question by the way on social interaction" she asks me turning to me. I almost don't hear her because I'm busy looking at her thinking wow you're beautiful. That's cliche and I can never let her know that. That's not in keeping with being cool, I genuinely don't know what she would say back to me. She would laugh most likely.

"I haven't started that yet" I tell her smirking.
"You're a slacker." She teases touching my arm.
And all's I can think is please keep touching me.
"All the partying right?" she laughs.
No I've been sitting up thinking about you and getting high every single night in order to finally sleep without thinking about you.

"Yeah right. I just leave things to the last minute" I say.
"But if you're going to a party I'll be there" I say looking at her. Jeez stop looking at her, she's captivating. She must know that.

She leans forward eating some chocolate cake and her long hair tumbles around her shoulders. Would she let me put my hands on her back? I'm not sure. Do friends do that?
Do friends want their friends this much?

I settle to have my arm behind her. She leans back and relaxes against me.
"Did you enjoy Friday night" I ask her.
"I did, yeah it was nice to look nice for once. It felt very special." she says. For once, you have to be kidding me.
"Did you?" She asks and there is a whole hidden meaning to that question. What did you do and who did you go home with etc.
"Yea it was great. You were great, very confident by the way and of course stunning" I say.

I pull my hands through my hair. It's a little frustrating how close I could be to moving in on her but I can't. Not yet especially not today when she's willing to be here with me. "I left about 3 ish, then I went home on my own contrary to popular belief" I tell her looking away.
"Jay got with Rach" I say I can't help myself.
"He really pissed me off." She says.
"And she can do so much better" she adds
Ohh she does not like him. He's obsessed with her. I see him watching her in uni.

When I don't reply she looks at me.
"Don't mention it, but he propositioned me for sex. One time only nobody has to know kind of thing." She whispers.
Oh that's why she called him Mr one night only when they were fighting. It clicks. What a lemon.
"He's an idiot. As you can tell we don't see eye to eye. Never have. He goes through girls, he has been off and on with Rach for I don't know how long. I hate what he does to her, makes me so angry how he treats her" I say and mean it. There is literally no need for him to do it to Rach.
I mentally tell myself to check in on her, she is my friend and I should ask her how she is. I feel worried about her suddenly.

She just lays back into me and rests her head on me. I grab my phone real quick and send Rach a quick text asking if she's okay.
"That's nice of you" Tay says seeing my actions.
"She's my friend. You'd do the same" I say putting my phone away.

Tay looks up at me, at my hair and I feel self conscious.
"Your hair looks great today by the way" she says.
I smile at her holding her eye contact. Oh to be able to just kiss her. She's maintaining my eye contact, and normally I would lean in. Just a little cautiously. I would place my hand behind her head and twist her hair in my fingers. And then I would slowly meet my lips to hers. My hand would go down her neck and then down her back. And I would deepen the kiss.

I realise that we are just staring at each other. I don't know for how long.
She lifts her hand slowly and places it in my hair moving it back off of my face. What the hell is she doing? How can I not touch her back? What is she playing at?

She stares at me a little longer, thinking about something her hands playing with my hair.
"You wanna leave?" she asks looking away from me.
What the actual... no I don't want to leave without you.
I gently move her face to mine again.
I brush her lips with my own. And I pull away quickly just in case she hits me or some shit. There I did it. She just stares at me, her cheeks go a glorious shade of pink. I smile at her.

She starts to speak but I tell her not to overthink any of this. Maybe that's a little bad of me. But hey he nicked her from me first.
She stands up in front of me, facing me. I lean back into the sofa and eye her up. Man, how can somebody make a jumper and jeans look that good.

"Don't smile at me like that" she teases
"I'm sorry I literally can't help it" I tell her, watching for her reaction.
"I ugh need to ask you one thing before you leave and I don't get to see you until university" I ask her.

"Please just sit down with me for a minute more" I ask her. I give her my best charming smile.
She sits next to me. She's facing away from me that's probably easier for everyone. I place my forearm down her side. And I lightly brush her arm with my thumb.

"Okay. Don't hit me ? Yeah?" I warn.
She snorts.
"That's not a good start Ross" she smiles up at me.

I push my hair away from my face again.
"I just always wonder if you would have chosen the same way if I'd have done things differently. If I'd have told you stuff, if I'd have been more insistent. Like I need to know because I think about it all the time. And really by telling me you can help me learn from it all" I implore her.
She goes rigid. And I stop touching her. Too soon, way too soon. She's going to bolt now.

Then she surprises me by looking up at me water in her eyes.
"How can I tell you that ? How can I even know. None of this was your fault Ross, like you didn't do anything wrong." She says and a tear escapes her eyes.
"No don't cry I didn't mean to make you cry." I say quickly and I wipe her eyes.

"That's not something we can really know, I've thought about it myself. Like if you'd been able to show me and tell me at your house at that party maybe things would be different. Maybe things would have changed for us and we wouldn't be here not being able to tell each other how we feel about each other" she says and I can feel my eyes watering.
I don't cry especially in front of girls. But now I'm tearing up.

""I know you think you have chosen already, but how do you feel about me?" I ask her tentatively.
"You know how I feel about you Ross" she says but I don't, I just don't know and I need to hear it.

"If I tell you again what does that change?" She says glancing at me. She sees my tears and raises her hands to my face to wipe them away.
"Everything, it changes everything" I tell her.

She waits not saying anything.
I interject, I realise now how difficult this is going to be. It's worth it, totally 100 percent but it's going to take time. And I hate to admit it but I think he's constantly several steps ahead of me, keeping her with him.
I look away "you're right" I tell her.
"I'm sorry. Ignore me it's all good." I say.

My phone goes off it's Rach. I leave it, I will check it later.
We wait there quietly I've stopped crying. I roll up a cigarette and offer her one but she says no. I walk behind her out of the coffee shop, the waitress looks at me. But I'm staring at Tay, the lines of her back and how her hips always sway when she walks.