Y/N - your name
C/N - crush's name
R/G - random girl
Song: "brutal" - Olivia Rodrigo
besties y'all wanted this but you think i'm giving it a happy ending for y/n?? smh i'm writing this to prepare myself emotionally for worst case scenario with my crush so pls understand
⚠️self-depreciation, anxiety⚠️
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« (I want it to be, like, messy) »
Turns out it wasn't just speculation, R/G is now officially dating C/N.
« I'm so insecure, I think
That I'll die before I drink »
I shouldn't be sitting at home with my iPad sat in front of me scrolling through all her recent stories on Instagram with C/N, for her highlights of course. I know that.
Beside my iPad is a glass of whiskey I snuck myself, but I haven't touched it, and I don't know if I have the stomach to. Every fibre of my being feels twisted in undoable knots. No amount of alcohol could make me feel better at this rate, so I'll just cope with the burning sensation inside of me.
If I could just be better than what I am, I could be in R/G's position.
« And I'm so caught up in the news
Of who likes me and who hates you »
Turns out I'm not the only person feeling jealousy, too. I can feel the passive aggression radiating off the comments on the posts R/G has already made of her and C/N, despite their relationship having been official for only two days. She's too nice to recognise the intended tone, but my warped dysfunctional envious mind can spot it a mile off.
I need to remember that just because C/N doesn't like me, doesn't mean others don't. But, what does it matter if they do? I only value his opinion.
Yet why am I still desperately messaging all my friends in as nonchalant ways as possible to reaffirm our friendships?
« And I'm so tired that I might
Quit my job, start a new life »
Don't tell me that I should have slept last night instead of doing exactly what I am again now. I know more than anyone, and I hate myself for it. I'm so consumed in someone else's world that I'm failing to care for my own. At this point, I might as well beg my parents for us to move far away so I can delete my social media presence and start afresh without jealousy elsewhere. Even if I did that, I think this would still hang over me, because I'm just so far gone.
« And they'd be all so disappointed
'Caus who am I, if not exploited? »
They wouldn't miss me. Nobody would miss me. They would just be disappointed that their suspicions of me are correct.
That I'm just a useless nobody who channels my feelings at other people to deflect my own problems.
« And I'm so sick of seventeen
Where's my fucking teenage dream? »
Where's my high school sweetheart? Where's my love at first sight? Where's my perfect fucking love story?
R/G took it from me.
Her teen years have clearly been oh so much better than mine...
« If someone tells me one more time
'Enjoy your youth', I'm gonna cry »
YOU ARE READING
Crush Oneshots | Crush x Reader
Fanfiction- no smut - crush x reader - my writing improves throughout :) - NO LONGER UPDATED -------- ☘︎ european date format ☘︎︎ started: 15/02/2020 finished: 15/05/2022 milestones: -10k reads on 03/06/2020 -1k votes on 28/07/2020 -2k votes on 30/10/2...
