Y/N - your name
C/N - crush's name
Song: "i love you" - Billie Eilish
been a while since i wrote an angsty one, and also i decided to use the same format from before
⚠️angst but ends somewhat well⚠️
———————
« It's not true
Tell me I've been lied to
Crying isn't like you »
When I saw him with salty tears streaming down his face, I could instantly tell something serious was wrong. C/N never cried. Even though I heard his voice crack when he called me to meet up with him, I had never imagined that he would be crying. The darkness in the atmosphere of the park illuminated his dampened cheeks, as well as the moonlight making the teardrops shine dimly.
« What the hell did I do?
Never been the type to
Let someone see right through »
Normally, I would keep my concern or care for someone top secret, and make it out like I genuinely do not give a fuck. I found myself not even trying to cover up my worry for his wellbeing: all I could think about was whether or not this was my fault, but I couldn't think of anything detrimentally bad I had done to him. It had to have been something awful to make C/N this upset.
« Maybe won't you take it back?
Say you were tryna make me laugh
And nothing has to change today
You didn't mean to say "I love you" »
"I love you, Y/N," he choked out, the tears pouring down in floods, "I fucking love you."
« "I love you
And I don't want to" »
Needless to say, those words shocked me to my core, but what caused lifelong pain inside of me was what he went and said next.
"I don't want to," he said, "I don't want to feel love towards you."
Tears were soon escaping my eyes.
« Up all night
On another red eye
I wish we never learned to fly
High »
I wished with all my heart that I hadn't learned to feel happiness around C/N and C/N only. He had brought me back to life; he had given me moments to look forward to and enjoy. It was euphoric being in his very presence, but now all I wanted for was for him to have never sent me up to cloud nine. He was shattering the hopes and dreams he had created for me, yet I still longed for him.
« Maybe we should just try
To tell ourselves a good lie
Didn't mean to make you cry »
What hurt the most is that I was the reason he was crying. If he had never met me, he wouldn't have fallen in love and therefore hurt neither of us. All that we could do now was lie to ourselves, pretend this had never happened and moved on. But even that seemed futile.
"I'm sorry..." I mumbled, fighting back the sobs in my throat, "I'm... so... sorry..."
« Maybe won't you take it back?
Say you were tryna make me laugh »
At one last attempt to prevent our hurt, I asked the stupid but hopeful question of, "You're just kidding... right?"
The look in his eyes told me he wasn't.
« And nothing has to change today
You didn't mean to say "I love you
I love you
And I don't want to" »
"I'm not joking, Y/N," C/N's voice was at the level of a whisper, "I don't want to love you. I hate the fact I do."
A sob I had been suppressing escaped, the night sky above me pitiful and mocking. I would never be able to look at the stars the same way again.
« The smile that you gave me
Even when you felt like dying »
A melancholy smile creeped on to his face, the same smile he had given me whenever he was down but I needed cheering up. Every fibre of my being wanted to reject his extended hand, but I still found myself accepting it. Only C/N's body warmth could offer me any comfort now, despite the fact he was the reason I was in so much internal pain.
He pulled me over to one of the trees and sat down, taking me with him. Silently, he took me into his embrace as I sat between his legs in tears. I was too upset to be confused about why he was offering me affection after blatantly hurting my feelings.
« We fall apart as it gets dark
I'm in your arms in [Central] Park »
We cried together without making a sound as the sky only got darker and darker. His arms were wrapped around me and I was sobbing uncontrollably into his chest, unable to process any of what had just happened. I couldn't decide whether or not I wanted to hate him. The love I felt for C/N was too strong and indescribable.
« There's nothing you could do or say
I can't escape the way I love you »
No matter how hurtful his statement had been, I couldn't escape how much I adored him. He could run me over with a car and I would probably still consider him to be my soulmate.
"I love you, C/N..." I said quietly, "Nothing will ever change that."
« I don't want to
But I love you »
"I know," he muttered, "I love you, too... I don't want to, but I do. I guess I'll just have to learn to like it."
I squeezed him tightly, before moving back a little to look directly into his eyes. He had stopped crying, but it was still evident he had been recently judging by the shiny red stains on his cheeks. Why did I have to love this boy?
"I'm sorry..." he said at a whisper, "I didn't want to hurt you."
Sniffing, I leaned forward and closed the gap between us. Our lips met in a soft kiss, and it was at that moment I realised just how much it would take for me to hate him.
——————
i've started noticing finneas' vocals in the background of literally all of billie's music
today's fun fact about moi:~
my favourite emoji combination is "😌✨"
[1035 words]
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Crush Oneshots | Crush x Reader
Fanfiction- no smut - crush x reader - my writing improves throughout :) - NO LONGER UPDATED -------- ☘︎ european date format ☘︎︎ started: 15/02/2020 finished: 15/05/2022 milestones: -10k reads on 03/06/2020 -1k votes on 28/07/2020 -2k votes on 30/10/2...
