Crush Oneshots | Crush x Reader

[𝟱𝟯] ⚠️ Nɪɴᴇᴛᴇᴇɴ

Y/N - your name
C/N - crush's name

Song: "Not Nineteen Forever" - The Courteeners

⚠️angst but ends well⚠️

this is my song suggestion of the collab with pandas-and-peaches and ALovelyGalaxiesA ^_^

———————

Opened on her laptop screen was an email from a STEM training program in Tokyo, Japan. It offered her a place on the curriculum, starting in two months time. Despite the fact it was her dream job, she felt at a loss of what to do. Accepting it felt selfish with everything that was going on.

She was considering suicide. Soon. With her mother dying, her thoughts spiralling and her arms and thighs littered in scars, all she wanted was to be gone from this wretched world. If she accepted the spot and then did commit suicide, an entire place on the course would be sacrificed as it would be to late to find a replacement. But if she turned it down and ended up not committing suicide, then she would live in regret for the rest of her life.

Sighing dramatically, she shut the computer and put it to the side, slipping down her bed. Her father wouldn't be back from work for hours.

Y/N's phone pinged from her bedside table, so she grabbed it to see a message from a random boy from her old school that she had no idea had her number.

C/N: Hey, you got a place on the STEM program too, right? -C/N

She hadn't realised anyone else from her secondary school applied for it.

Y/N: Yes... why?

C/N: Good to know I won't be the only one :)

One thing led to another, and she did manage to bring herself to accept the offer. She found herself sat in the passenger seat of C/N's car on the day of their flight not long after. They had gotten to talking since finding out they were on the same course, and over time he had managed to get Y/N's wall to start crumbling.

It was nearing eleven o'clock at night, the silence in the vehicle uncomfortable and daunting. She kept scratching her clothed scarred arms subconsciously, a million demons speaking in the back of her mind. Nothing but regret had filled her soul since she had accepted the course. Every day and every night Y/N had edged closer and closer to putting an end to it for good.

After school had ended, all of her friends had moved away for gap years and distant universities. Y/N had decided to take a gap year at home, as her mother had been so deathly sick. Ever since she had passed, her father had been distant and detached. She felt alone in the world, and so had begun researching STEM courses that were open.

Of course, by the time her application had gone through her mental health had deteriorated further than she could have ever managed. C/N had been the first one to reach out to her in so long. As it turned out, he had just completed a gap year in Japan. He had fell in love with the place and subsequently applied for a course there, having been returning for a visit a month after beginning to text Y/N.

He had offered to car pool for the journey, and wouldn't let her refuse. He wouldn't even let her take a turn at driving.

"I can see you fidgeting, Y/N..." he eventually spoke, breaking the cold silence of the atmosphere. The radio had switched to adverts a while ago, so Y/N had turned it off out of irritation.

"I'm fine," she said, the words now second nature to her lying tongue.

She heard him sigh inwardly as he pulled off of the motorway for the first time in an hour. "No, you're not... you never tell me anything about your personal life... is it something to do with that?"

Weighing the options of responses in her head, Y/N finally replied with, "Yes, so it's none of your business."

"Y/N... I... I just want to help..." his voice cracked as he spoke, making Y/N fear she had offended him. Of course she had. All she ever did was ruin other people's lives.

"I'm sorry," she said out of reflex, unsure whether the words meant anything to her anymore.

"...For what?"

That made her frown. Didn't he just get sad about her not telling him what he wanted?

"Y/N... you can't apologise for not wanting to tell me personal problems..." he said softly, "Regardless of my feelings on the matter, it is your life."

After speaking those words, another period of quietness pressed down on the air like a suffocating weighted blanket. The sky appeared to only be getting darker, but there were now visible aeroplanes flying above them in remarkably close proximity. The airport was close.

Y/N finished having an argument with herself in her head, allowing her to finally say what she hadn't told a soul to date, "My mum died a few months ago."

Her first thoughts about his lack of response was that he didn't care, but a little voice chirped up and said that he was doing it so as not to interrupt. For once, she listened to that little voice of positivity.

"It's just... my dad has been distant ever since... all my friends moved away... my only coping mechanism is self harm... I... I can't... I thought being eighteen was bad enough... but being nineteen...? Well, it's making me wanna give up for good..."

"Y/N," he said firmly, making her immediately perk up in both fear and anticipation, "Everyone goes through rough patches. Given, yours is one of the worst, but it won't last. You're not nineteen forever, pull yourself together! I know it's harsh, but you can't get hung up on all the bad that has happened and refuse to thing about the good that will happen. Things will get better."

"You think so?" she sniffed, surprised to find tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'll make sure of it."

———————

i had a huge fight w my mum about trans rights earlier... i think i'm getting thru to her! happy pride month ^_^

today's fun fact about moi:~

unlike a lot of ppl, i never had a 1D or justin bieber phase. but i did have a harry potter phase, and let me just say i no longer support jk rowling.

[1080 words]