Crush Oneshots | Crush x Reader

[𝟱𝟵] ⚠️ Dʏsᴘʜᴏʀɪᴀ - 𝚏𝚝𝚖!𝚌𝚛𝚞𝚜𝚑 - ℝ𝔼ℚ𝕌𝔼𝕊𝕋

Y/N - your name
C/N - crush's name

Song: "Spaceland" - chloe moriondo

never wrote about this topic before so sorry if it's not accurate

request by @xMomoRiinx

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C/N'S POV

This body doesn't belong to me. It's not the one I was meant to have. Every time I look at it these swarming feelings of discomfort and agony wash over me, making the trap this body suffocates me in so much tighter. The hole of despair I am digging gets deeper every time I glance at the mirror.

I know I'm not a girl. I'm a boy, in the wrong body.

"C/N!" my mum's sharp yell disturbs me from my slumber, "Wake up! You're gonna be late!"

Out of reflex, I refuse to even spare a look towards the mirror after pulling on my clothes. Seeing my body directly as I dressed was torture enough, but thankfully I was now covered in the typical boys' uniform of the school. Nothing in the rules said I couldn't, and my parents didn't particularly mind as long as my grades stayed up.

I have known I'm trans for quite a while, but I can't work towards making any body changes until I'm out. I haven't even told my best friend, Y/N. It hurts the most, because I see her as more than a friend, and I hate keeping secrets from her.

You have no idea how long it took me to convince my mum to let me cut my hair short, but it makes me feel better, especially when I am wearing typically masculine baggy clothes. Only then do I feel like I remotely belong, until someone refers to me as she or the name I wish to be dead. "My daughter's a tomboy, you see." It kills me when my mother says that.

I meet with Y/N outside the school gates about ten minutes before classes begin, and she's got the usual smile on her face. It hurts when she calls me C/N, but she doesn't know any better so I can't blame her.

"...so anyway can I come to yours after school?"

"Huh? Why?" I snapped out of my daze, only now realising we had entered the maths corridor.

"Weren't you listening? I need help on the biology project."

"Oh, right, sure..."

She smiled brightly, "Great, thanks."

The bell cut through the air, signalling that morning form time was about to begin.

"Right, see you in geography!" Y/N gave me a quick hug, making my heart flutter, before disappearing into the moving crowd.

Thankfully we didn't have PE today, as that lesson set my dysphoria off like a forest fire. The gender separated changing rooms; also known as me being forced into a room of girls I didn't identify with.

I was relieved to finally lock myself back in my bedroom, where I could dress myself in my baggiest "masculine" clothes and refer to myself with he/him pronouns to my heart's content. Except, I had a slight set back when I was changing into those clothes and saw my feminine body in all its sickening glory.

Tears were streaming down my face before I knew it, and the familiar feeling of identity dread swept over me. My thoughts were that of a boy. Because I am a boy. Although, my feminine curves and features scream the opposite at me whenever they're exposed. I try to tell myself that my body doesn't define me or my gender, but other people don't see that. They see boobs, they think girl. They see me, they think girl.

I don't hear Y/N knock, or my dad let her in. I don't hear her come up the stairs, or yell my name in worry. Everything is a blur.

"C/N... C/N..." she mutters, wrapping her arms around me. The use of my feminine name makes me feel so much worse, but I appreciate her effort. Maybe it's time I told her... told her everything.

When my sobs eventually calm, I begin to talk. Y/N remains silent, letting me speak. "I... I've known something for a long while now... something that I'm only just beginning to come to terms with..."

She nods solemnly, as if urging me to go on.

"But first... first... I just wanna say... I love you, Y/N... as more than a friend... I have for months now, and you're the only person I truly want to accept me as a... as a boy..." I took a deep breath, "I'm not a girl. I'm a boy."

I observed as she nodded again, her quietness disturbing and blank face confusing.

"Are... are you mad?"

"Mad? Why would I be mad?" worry was evident in her tone, at least I think it was, "I just needed a few seconds to process. First of all, I love you too, regardless of gender. And, second... I've kind of suspected you weren't all that comfortable with being a girl... for a while now..."

A small wave of happiness lit up in my heart, as butterflies took flight in my stomach. It felt good to finally tell someone who I am, especially when that person is Y/N.

"So..." she took my hand in hers, "Is there a new name you want me to call you?"

I love her so much.

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i hope i wrote the dysphoria somewhat accurately, but please give me constructive criticism so i can improve. i don't want to offend anyone.

today's fun fact about moi:~

i can't eat mashed potato without throwing up

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